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stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

0 posted 2006-04-30 12:31 PM

Tip the bottle up
Drink it down slow
Burns like fire
Yet you don’t even know
Cause you’re not feeling
You’re just reeling
Cursing and screaming, without seeing

You don’t know who you’ve become
You can’t see what you’ve done
You’re all alone on the island of despair
Drinking away all of your cares, fears, and even tears

Do you think that as you tip that bottle up
And you drink it down, oh, so slow
You’re leaving behind that heavy load
But it’s all a lie, cause as you drink
You’re heavy load isn’t sliding, it just keeps riding
Till you’re left broke, with a pack that you can’t swing
No friends, no family, nothing to hold you up, or pull you in
You’re drowning in your own sins…

@-->---

sins_and_tragedies
Junior Member

since 2006-04-26

Posts 41
england

1 posted 2006-04-30 02:26 PM

hey that was absolutly fantastic...i'm astounded at how well that was i'm very proud lol

danielle
x

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

2 posted 2006-04-30 02:33 PM

that was really good. really good. like seriously. at first i was confused but then i reread it and it made perfect sense. great job

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

3 posted 2006-04-30 02:33 PM

and by the way..i agree drinking = not the way to go.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-04-30 10:56 PM

Hey,

Yeah, umm, i know it is a little confusing, i apologize, i kind of went off on a different tract in the last stanza, plus my rhythm was way off...

Thank you both for posting, I appreciate it

@-->---

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

5 posted 2006-05-01 02:19 AM

The rhythmn wasn't that off.. there might of been maybe 2 spots it kinda strayed a little, and the last stanza wasn't much off the rest it was just a different phase of the situation as far as my interpretation, lookin forward to raedin some other works by you

Awesome Write,
Mike

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-" Slave of Love" by: Me. (posted in Dark Poetry)

pullingxthextrigger
Member

since 2006-05-01

Posts 133
MA,..USA llx

6 posted 2006-05-01 08:09 PM

want the truth?
its absoulutly AMAZING!!!
loved it sooo much <3
keep up the great work

~nora

your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong </3 llx

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

7 posted 2006-05-01 10:43 PM

i really love this one.
my dad was an alcoholic.
so was my uncle.
and im headed down that road slowly.

and i truly love this poem.

<3

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

8 posted 2006-05-02 07:17 PM

yeah this is a good write
i also have alcoholics in the fam... both granddads, dad, brother, uncles, and thats who i know of... good write

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