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Junebug
Junior Member

since 2006-04-23

Posts 40
earth

0 posted 2006-04-24 03:32 AM

She puts a smile on her face
To cover her fears,
Drops hair in her face
To cover her tears,
The lump in her throat
Just keeps growing,
She tries to hide it
But her tears keep flowing,
Shes dazed and confused
And feeling so used,
She was just an object
Just for fun,
It never crossed his mind
That she could be the one,
She cant help but wonder
If he ever reall cared,
He never asked how she felt
Or why she was scared,
He never even noticed
How often she cried,
He didnt even realize
That her soul had died!

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-04-24 06:35 PM

Uhhhhhh. Nice. Soul being dead...yeah thats cool. Nice write.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-04-24 07:55 PM

This was amazing.. there were a couple places towards the end that were a LITTLE off rythmn but not much.. I loved it.. it was a great piece.. It's going in my library..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

3 posted 2006-04-24 08:01 PM

this made me smile. on the inside.

i can completely relate and it just...it hit home for me.

<3

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

ThePrayers0faBrokenHeart
Junior Member

since 2006-03-19

Posts 10
guam, harmon

4 posted 2006-04-25 07:15 AM

i really love this poem ,.. because im having the same exact problem,... its like im only his when we are alon and wne we are at skewl we act so diferent ..... its like hes jst using me for his fun .... ti really hurts ... your poem made me shed a tear ,.. i hope you keep on working ,.. ur poem really just related to me sooo much!

-chrissy xI3

"&& i realy love you and it hurts me that you dont even a damn care <<3"

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-04-25 10:37 PM

I love this poem! I’m putting this in my library right now…

Okay, what Heather said on the rhythm being off just a little bit, I disagree. I think if you pause in certain spots it gives it perfect … flow? I’m not really sure if I can explain in words what I’m trying to say; just to me the whole thing was awesome!

There is only one or two spelling errors, which you can always fix by using some sort of program before you post, I like to use Microsoft word personally…

Thanks so much for sharing this with me! I can’t tell you how much I loved this poem.

@-->---

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

6 posted 2006-05-13 07:01 AM

I just wanted to stop by and say that I think you have a great sense of rhyming and
flow and if you just take your time and reread and make those few spelling and grammatical corrections you would have some very fine work posted here.

I wanted to read some of your other work this morning...to let you know someone "Cares"

M

Archea
Member

since 2006-05-13

Posts 65
United States

7 posted 2006-05-13 10:09 AM

exellent, even though im a guy i could still relate to this because it happens to us to.... sometimes. very good poem.

Fabiani
Member

since 2006-05-12

Posts 123
Mesa, Az

8 posted 2006-05-13 07:01 PM

i hate guys who are jerks give us a bad name

pullingxthextrigger
Member

since 2006-05-01

Posts 133
MA,..USA llx

9 posted 2006-05-13 07:49 PM

woah, that was absoulutly amazing
awesome job keep it up

~nora<3

your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong llx - P!ATD!

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