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Teen Poetry #7
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Kiss and Tell
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Kiss and Tell |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA 
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I live a life of kiss and tell, one that I wish had more, but on this journey through my life, everyone seems to ignore. Every night I wonder, why I'm really here. Just to have a wish, a love and then a tear? This road that I am on, is no so called smooth ride. Upon each bumpy trail, I feel the need to hide. I don't want a perfect route, for I know that there's no such thing. All I wish for is a shoulder, one on which I can lean. Everytime I think I find my way out, I stumble back into reality. There's no way to turn around, or none that I can see. I think to myself what I want, and a million things come to mind.... but only one sticks out, and it's not to be left behind. I keep my feelings bottled up, and I can't hold out much more. I just want someone to listen, a reason to talk for. I just want someone there, someone to listen and understand.... and after they find out about me, they can tell me who I am. Written 03-25-05 Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Heather Sullivan - All Rights Reserved | |||
latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Nice work. It seemed to me that the fifth stanza and the last stanza could have flowed better in the first two lines. The rest was wonderful though.  Jessica |
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CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248 |
Hey Heather, I'm still amazed at how similarly we write, it's really amusing. I agree with Jessica about the fifth stanza, you could probably pull a couple of words out of the first and second lines, and make it flow better. However, I think the last stanza works. I didn't see/hear anything wrong with the flow. I really liked this. Like I said, it's something I would write. I think you're tapping into my mind or something. Bizarre Good Job<3kerR When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Thanks guys.. I really appreciate it.. and yea.. Keryn.. i think it is kinda weird how we kinda write alike.. I think that's why i liked your poetry so much.. thanks again to both of you. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
very nice, i love this stanza Every night I wonder, why I'm really here. Just to have a wish, a love and then a tear? it just fits so well |
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent |
This road that I am on, is no so called smooth ride. Upon each bumpy trail, I feel the need to hide i like this piece so much it reminds me of myself in so many ways in this stanza above i would personally change the second line to "is no so called,"smoothe ride" just for reading purposes it sounds better to me but i havent slept in the past 36 hours... and i think ints smoothe but again lack of sleep so who knows! well i really liked this. |
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M e m o r i e s Junior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 14Alaska, USA |
Cute and deep. I like it very much. Reminds you of... well, anyone's life. Pretty much a general thing I guess we all think about. I think everyone can relate to this poem. I like it. It's a very nice poem! ^^ |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
thank you all  ~Heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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