That Stupid Fight - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

0 posted 2006-07-10 02:51 PM

She wishes for him every night,
for him to take her from this hell.
And every night she regrets that stupid fight.

She told her mother about her plight
and when she was ready, her mother she could tell,
she wishes for him every night.

That evening lightning struck fast and bright,
and three blocks down they heard her yell!
And every night she regrets that stupid fight.

Then he left, and with him, the light
that lit her life up so well.
She wishes for him every night.

The thought of life without him just isn't right,
because it was for him that she fell.
And every night she regrets that stupid fight.

So now she waits, filled with fight,
and her future she cannot foretell.
She wishes for him every night,
And every night she regrets that stupid fight.

This type of poem is called a "Villanelle".It's rhyme scheme is WAY complicated, but you get the gist.lol

When I stopped trying to find the right guy, and concentrated on being the right girl, the right guy found me.

Faint of Heart
New Member

since 2006-07-07

Posts 6
CA, USA

1 posted 2006-07-10 05:44 PM

Very good! I like your style! I can tell you've put a lot of heart into this.

Keep writing! =)

~ts

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-07-10 09:00 PM

i liked this..... at first i was a little confused at the ryme scheme(yes, one i've never heard of) but it was cool good job!!!
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-07-11 09:16 AM

Hey WaterFairy103,

Interesting setup and I loved the rhyming scheme! I should get some books and look that up...

Okay, so not my favorite poem by you and the reason being is because of the continual use of "that stupid fight". No offence, I just felt like you said that too much... It's probably just me.

I liked this stanza though,

"So now she waits, filled with fight,
and her future she cannot foretell.
She wishes for him every night,
And every night she regrets that stupid fight."

that's rather neat... Anyway, sorry i don't really have anything to say but good job on this poem. I hope to see more in the future

@-->---

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

4 posted 2006-07-11 02:35 PM

Lol I know i used 'That Stupid Fight' a lot, but that's sort of the point. lol thanks for commenting!

When I stopped trying to find the right guy, and concentrated on being the right girl, the right guy found me.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-07-11 05:26 PM

I know that’s the point of the poem but there are ways of expressing the same thing without repeating yourself so much… anyway, good job on the poem, it was nice

@-->---

oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member

since 2006-07-12

Posts 52
USA, IDAHO

6 posted 2006-07-12 08:58 PM

ummm...i thought that the repeating line was supposed to be in there, not because you couldnt find other words, but because of the way you wrote the poem. i really really liked this one. great job

Viola

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

7 posted 2006-07-13 08:11 PM

I liked it alot. I have to agree with some other ppl I too was confused, but other than the confusion i was fine. Good write though keep it up.

Nurse Alice of Wonderland
New Member

since 2006-07-14

Posts 1

8 posted 2006-07-14 06:43 AM

I liked it alot! I stopped looking for the right sometime ago and I think it's kinda sweet!

M e m o r i e s
Junior Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 14
Alaska, USA

9 posted 2006-07-15 08:41 PM

I wuf (yes WUF) this poem. I've only read one other poem by you, but I love this too. Sheesh, poor kid, wishin' for some guy every night. Join the club I say!

Write more poems! Pwease?

*hands you cookie*

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.