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BlackEyedBueaty07
Junior Member

since 2006-04-05

Posts 27
rittman, ohio

0 posted 2006-04-07 05:16 PM

Best Day

By: Kerry Cookro

This is the day
I will lay down my head
And fall asleep, forever

I can feel it coming
im feeling sleepy
Almost dead

And i will be gone
Because i dont want to lose
nothing else
Cuz i just lost you

But i know i will lose something else
I always do.

No one understands me
Not even my family
So im gone.

This is the best day of my life.

When i woke up this morning
I knew this was the day
That i would run away

And die
Fall on the ground
Infront of everyone

And then they'll feel sorry
When they find out
That i wasted my life because of them

That i died
Everythings wrong
So i end it now

Im gone...

-----this poem is not gonna come true, i just wrote it because i was deppressed, dont take this seriously-----

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-04-07 09:44 PM

its good that your not planning to die. the poem was nice. the structure wasn't the best but it was all right.

Jessica

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

2 posted 2006-04-08 02:19 PM

I’m glad too. It would be bad if it was.
You’re not the only one how feels like that, I feel like that too some times like know one gets me,
Sad poem but nice

*leah

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-04-08 04:57 PM

Hey,

I agree this is a sad poem… I also agree with Jessica though about the structure, I like how you put in stanzas but I feel like the breaks are not in the proper spots, that is just me though!

Umm, you have some spelling errors, and since I’m such a freak about spelling here is my ideas on it.

1) When you do not take the time to spell things properly it conveys to the reader that you do not care what they see, so the reader asks themselves, why should I even bother posting?
2) Sometimes when you do not spell things properly it distracts the reader from the poem, instead of reading through the poem and getting the right flow they have to pause and decipher the spelling errors.

Anyway, that’s just a thought, I personally try to use Microsoft Word before I post any of my poems.

Good job though, can I ask if the poem is called “best day” or “depression” cause I can’t tell very well from this?

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