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curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

0 posted 2006-04-07 06:09 AM

Dance with me

Were going to make it
Were going to be alright.

Just one more hand jive.
Just one more hurdle in our lives.

Just two more turns,
Just two more nights alone

Just hold me tight,
Let me go,
And bring me back again.
Show me who you are.
Let me be
And I’ll come back again

Smile at me,
Hold my hand. Tight.
Love me and look after me.

And we will dance the night away.
We will dance our lives away.

Together.

Curioustity is a fine gift...

i'm looking for you...always...

BlackEyedBueaty07
Junior Member

since 2006-04-05

Posts 27
rittman, ohio

1 posted 2006-04-07 05:08 PM

that was very good. Romantic, fun, and exciting!

-kerry-

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

2 posted 2006-04-07 09:49 PM

i totally agree with BlackEyedBeauty07. all of those things and more.

Jessica

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

3 posted 2006-04-08 02:21 PM

It was lovely, what more can I say

*leah

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-04-08 04:51 PM

Hey again,

I’m not really sure if I really like this poem yet or not, but I feel like it could have been set up a little better.
You did stanzas which was great, but I almost think (heh, when do I EVER think?!) that you broke it up a little too much, you know what I mean?

It is also a little confusing to read, I mean I get the general idea, like this part,

“Just hole me tight,
Let me go,
And bring me back again”

I feel like this would work better if you moved either the “just hold me tight” or “let me go, and bring me back again” to different parts. I do not think they make much sense right next to each other, that’s just me though.

Very romantic poem though, my favorite part is the ending where it talks about how you will dance your lives away, I don’t know why but that part really speaks to me.

Good job!

Wow! do you get the feeling i should start posting shorter comments...

@-->---

curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

5 posted 2006-04-09 03:37 AM

yes

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