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Teen Poetry #7
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Voices
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Voices |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey everyone, I am sorry, I know this is kind of long to be posting online! I would greatly appreciate if ya’ll could help me come up with a better ending though. Cause I am not quite sure what to do yet. Thanks  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Here I am once again Hiding in my room I sit upon my bed Trying not to listen Trying not to hear Yet the shouts seem so near…" With my pen in hand I wrote those words So very long ago it might seem Yet these questions still remain Along with a heart that felt pain How could you? I was but a child I did not understand what was about to be Nor what those words truly meant, to you and to me But I could hear the anger So deep inside of you It poured out into the night upon the wings of hate… To this day I carry scars But of a different kind Not the sort upon my skin But that which preys upon my mind I hear the voices once again Loud and clear, angry shouts fill the air Though I can not hide upon my bed I now hide within my head Yet those voices live within me So very deep inside of me As you might one day see… @-->--- |
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| © Copyright 2006 stargal - All Rights Reserved | |||
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curiouse Member
since 2006-03-21
Posts 277england |
i like it, really like it! but i don't have the talent to know how to end it. i'll leave that up to the profesionals, smiles curiouse |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
wow....very nice write. idk about the ending thing. im not a good poet haha. yeah like the above comment says, leave it to the pros! haha |
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sometimesitslonely Junior Member
since 2005-12-27
Posts 41USA |
It's amazingly written. It's a sad poem, but amazing. I loved the length, it seemed just right for this poem. With, the story, the "plot", it was perfect. No need for apologies.  Awesome. This smile is fake, |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
Great poem I think the ending was prefect but I’m not a pro. but I think you should keep it just as is. A Every sad poem. Love the size of it, very ease to read. *leah |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Stargal I like the ending. Whats wrong with it? Nice poem. The legnth was perfect for this piece of work. Good job. Jessica |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey everyone, Thank you so much for posting replies, I really appreciate it! Jessica- The reason I do not like the ending, or most of this poem for that matter, is that it is rather abrupt in the ending. @-->--- |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
ohh. I get you. Thanx. Jessica |
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Merik New Member
since 2006-04-10
Posts 6 |
I think it's really good. Although im not a pro just trust your instinct when it comes to the ending whatever feels the best will be the best so usually i change my end about 3 times then go back to the original! |
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rockbabe Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 105 |
I am totally astonished by this ....filled with emotion and feels so real. Great write. V |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
I actually quite like the ending! I personally think you should leave it as is. And about the poem being too long, I think it's perfect. Nothing is too long to post here. Ha, well I've kind of rambled a bit here in my comment, so to get to the point: I really think this poem is great! ~Alli~ |
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samanthalauren New Member
since 2008-12-08
Posts 1 |
I absolutel love it! and I can definately relate. great piece of work i see no problem with the end but i get what you are saying |
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bek123 New Member
since 2010-03-19
Posts 2 |
Hey Stargal, I haven't read your poem yet, though I intend to. I used to be a member on here like 4 years ago. i think my name may have been bekahlekah? idk. I can't remember for the life of me! I was thinking about your poetry recently and wondered if you were still writing! My favorite has always been silence Love it! |
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toriber Junior Member
since 2010-06-10
Posts 22texas |
you are so good |
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