Teen Poetry #7 |
Lost in Memories |
drowningmonky Junior Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 14miami, florida |
do u wonder what im doing now Im outside Its so cold u see Im outside thinking about you and me watching as my blood falls u see. I know u hear me you choose to ignore my plea undo me take away these chains you have hooked upon me Im so bland and pale is that why you left me Im so disturbed and frajile should i seek help what do u think? Am I still precious as you once whispered to me do You miss me as u once declared to me? Street light went off now what how can i see I still hear u whispering to me I still feel ur body on top of me so weak I need u close to me cant believe this is the end now your to far to see what has become of me |
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© Copyright 2006 Lisa - All Rights Reserved | |||
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey, Welcome to pip! I enjoyed reading this, hope to see more of your work. @-->--- |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi, I know i posted already, but I am going to post again and make sure this moves back to the top of the list, i believe more people should see this poem and offer inputs. I apologize for being the only one so far @-->--- |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
It could have been organized better. the lines per stanzas could have had more of a pattern and the words per line. You don't have to listen to me this is only a suggestion. Jessica |
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drowningmonky Junior Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 14miami, florida |
FIXED SOME MISTAKES do you wonder what im doing now Im outside Its so cold you see Im outside thinking about you and me watching as my blood falls you see. I know you hear me you choose to ignore my plea undo me take away these chains you have hooked upon me. Im so bland and pale is that why you left me? Im so disturbed and frajile should i seek help what do u think? Am I still precious as you once whispered to me? do You miss me as u once declared to me? Street light went off now what how can i see? I still hear you whispering to me I still feel your body on top of me so weak I need you close to me cant believe this is the end now your to far to see what has become of me? |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
its a good poem. very sad *leah |
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