Till This Day - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

0 posted 2006-03-31 04:46 AM

Maybe I can find some space and forget the past and live today
maybe I can fly free and fly away stop the tears and stop the pain
maybe, maybe one day

maybe one day I will live life to my full and maybe one day I can stop being a fool
but maybe this day has been sunk in a pool and I have lost my chance to become myself to open up and listen

im sorry that this day is not yet here, and that right now im by myself
but hopefully this day is near when wishes and dreams will come true

but till then im sorry and I love you!

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-03-31 02:57 PM

Hey,

I really like how you say “maybe” in this poem, it gives it a unique sort of class.
On the second stanza though, I feel like it lost some of the rhythm, like where you say,
“I have lost my chance to become myself to open up and listen”, at the “open up and listen” it seems to be a little stiff?

Great job though! I like the first stanza a lot!

@-->---

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

2 posted 2006-03-31 09:12 PM

Hey,
Thanks for that! I have not been getting a lot off replys on my poems lately. I mean if you lot don't like them tell me...coz i really don't know what you think! There has been heaps of posts but hardly no replys! I mean I LOVE reading the poems but we all came on this 2 get help and for people to comment on our poems...whats happening? I think we need to reply on peoples poems more and not post as much

(if any of you think im being rude just say and im sorry if i am. but i have heard from a few people that they feel the same way...so sorry if im being rude

)

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-04-02 06:19 PM

i'm posting on this again cause i want everyone to read what you posted about posting, and them to read about the poem, cause i like it, and i think it deserves more attention

@-->---

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

4 posted 2006-04-02 06:49 PM

you are totally right Stargal.

And about your poem freespirit07. I felt like it could of flowed better. i cant really explain it so i'm not much help but maybe you can figure out how it could flow better.

Jessica

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

5 posted 2006-04-02 07:05 PM

I’m sorry I don’t reply that mach but I don’t really no what to say. I mean I like all of your guises poems but I don’t know what ales to say.

I like your poem. And I can relate to it. But I have to agree with them about the flowed better but other then that it’s great.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.