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Teen Poetry #7
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Pathetic Moans and Groans
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Pathetic Moans and Groans |
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the_hoodANDsheild Junior Member
since 2006-03-08
Posts 25Canada |
First of all, I would like to thank all of you that have shown interest in my last poems. I love reading your comments. So I am back again. I am not sure why I am choosing to post this poem...but I think it explains alittle more about me. Its actually rather pathetic and whinny, but I hope you can find a way to enjoy it. --------------------------------------------------- Speechlessness is what I am reduced, Because my calloused tongue has been seduced. I cannot express each and every thought, And therefore become evermore distraught. Society says always be strong, But this is has got to be wrong. Why can’t I tell you how I feel? And give you a soft kiss so that we can heal. Can a nice guy ever finish first? I feel that I am ready to BURST! Friends with everyone that I know, But love is reserved for the one I met in the snow. I promise I won’t be like the others in this world. I will not say I love you and throw you hurled. Sure my friends might be the popular playboys, But do not judge me on their sexual exploits. During the day I cannot show the real me, But below this cool veneer is a man that’s not free. I sit late at night writing to my bones, Letting my heart release these pathetic moans and groans. |
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| © Copyright 2006 the_hoodANDsheild - All Rights Reserved | |||
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curiouse Member
since 2006-03-21
Posts 277england |
there not pathetic... i loved the poem it had so much meaning and depth, every word..i could relate to, except i'm a girl/woman, and that, for me, makes a great poem...i love the way you let your emotions out..so elegantly, thanx for posting...this is going to be in my library curiouse |
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the_hoodANDsheild Junior Member
since 2006-03-08
Posts 25Canada |
Thankyou for your kind words  I am glad i am not the only person in this position! |
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aliway Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185With in your eyes |
Your poem has so much emotion in it. To the question “Can a nice guy ever finish first?” yes they can. At lest in my book they can Great poem |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
its not pathic or whinny. its a really nice write. the only thing that could be better is in your fourth stanza the last two lines don't rhyme. playboys and exploits. does that rhyme? maybe i'm just not hearing it. i dunno. the rest is great. Jessica |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
I agree none of this poem is pathetic or whiney! Though, I do think that part of it lost the flow, like the part Jessica mentioned, and also I believe you have a type error or something on this line, “but this is has got to be wrong”, just wanted to let you know… This is a really good poem though, it makes you look deeper, and it shows part of what you are. I’d love to see more of your work, in fact I need to find your other poem… I’m not sure if I saw it or not? @-->--- |
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the_hoodANDsheild Junior Member
since 2006-03-08
Posts 25Canada |
Yes thank you all for your comments and thank you for pointing out some errors. It really makes writing a whole lot better and more satisfying when I see that people have read and written something about my poems...thanks again! |
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