»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
Hidden Emotion
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
Hidden Emotion |
|
|
the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA 
|
Sunrise was getting closer, the night was dying fast. The conversation was deep, but I felt it wouldn't last. He listened as I told, of my ambitions and my dreams. I spoke of miracles and love, he understood or so it seemed. His words, they spoke so softly, his goals, similar to mine... and I could tell by his tone, he didn't really want to hide. His eyes, they tell a story, that I've never really read... and now that I see them, I wish I knew what they said. My eyes, they grew so heavy, and his arms offered comfort. Even though I'm not sure, I feel I won't get hurt. So off I go again, entangled in his bottled up emotions. Holding my hand along with his secrets, he's fallen in a hole as deep as the oceans. Scared to death I tremble, and lovingly he stands. Unsure of his mixed thoughts... still he holds my hand. The sun has now risen, our conversation has silently died. The light catches tears on his face, and I smile deep down...for he told me he never cried. This is my newest piece. I wrote it this weekend. I'm not so sure about it.. any feedback is welcome. Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. Want nothing & you will have everything. |
||
| © Copyright 2006 Heather Sullivan - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Wow! You have such a way with words. This is one of my favorites you have written, at least of what I have seen! A couple of the stanzas, I think is was 3,4,5,6, I couldn’t really understand them… Well, more like the first half of 3. I loved the first and last stanzas though! Keep posting, I look forward to seeing more. @-->--- |
||
|
byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
Well done on the actual writing. I have no comments other than good job. I do very much like the ending though. It is a mature write, tring to make the best of that delicate situation you are in. It makes the both of you seem strong and very able to deal with your problems with that last glimmer of hope, even though it isnt much. Thumbs up. |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
His eyes, they tell a story, that I've never really read... and now that I see them, I wish I knew what they said. I can understand this ...I feel the same at times the only suggestion I have is that a few of your verses have lost the rhythm of the first 4 or 5 . I love the last lines...nicely done. M |
||
|
the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
thank you all so much. when I read this outloud to myself.. I realized that is was kind of confusing in places.. or that you might not understand but I couldn't think of anything to replace it with so I kept it with the feelings and words that came out when I wrote it.. thanks again.. your comments mean a lot.. this poem also means a lot to me.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
||
|
ShelbyLynn13 Member
since 2006-02-15
Posts 73US, Colorodo |
WOW that poem could not get any better then it already is! keep them coming because it is an important part of my day. every one is special in their own way!!! |
||
|
helenadepp Member
since 2006-01-16
Posts 59durham, england |
Well i really enjoyed this.  It had a nice flow to it and i understood it. Good job! |
||
*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Nice job! ~Alli~ |
||
|
littlemiss Junior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 16 |
i really like the flow of this poem, when i read this poem i felt as though i understood what it was you were tryin to say especially about his bottled up emotions, i must admit i bottle up my emotions so when i let go infront of someone its a big deal kinda thing, so i think i get what ya mean |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
