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Teen Poetry #7

Sometimes It's Best

sometimesitslonely
Junior Member

since 2005-12-27

Posts 41
USA

0 posted 2006-03-17 07:12 PM

Do I scare you when I speak of dying?
Would you care if I fell off that cliff?
Each scrape, and each cut,
will remind me of our love.

Wishes, oh how can they fall so far away?
How many times must I pay?
I lied once now our love is crossing troubled waters
so tell me, please tell me how it all started.

Was it the kisses?
The dreams and the wishes?
The hugs and the cuddles?
That made this love suble.

Please tell me where my love has gone,
out the window? No, I already looked there.
Silently dying? Why should we even care?
I wish that I had all the answers.

This smile is fake,
These tears aren't.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-03-18 02:13 PM

Hey,

I think your poem is a little stiff in a few parts.

But I really liked it! It has a lot of emotions in it.
My favorite stanza though is,

“Wishes, oh how can they fall so far away?
How many times must I pay?
I lied once now our love is crossing troubled waters
so tell me, please tell me how it all started.”.

Keep writing! I would enjoy seeing more.

@-->---

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2006-03-19 12:04 PM

Very nice write! I agree with stargal with that being my favorite stanza as well. Keep up the good work!

~Alli~

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