Teen Poetry #7 |
escaped |
whatshername New Member
since 2006-03-08
Posts 4ND, USA |
you look at me i look at you our eyes lock for just that one moment to afraid to keep your gaze to afraid to look away before i can think whats happening or what you might be thinking the moment is gone.. your gone, eyes downcast, head down..following the footsteps of another. but for a moment we escaped. you and me me and you escaped from it all |
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© Copyright 2006 Claire Fiedler - All Rights Reserved | |||
the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Wow.. I loved this poem.. Honestly.. It was great.. It was short but it told about a very short moment and you described it perfectly.. Keep it up I hope to hear more.. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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whatshername New Member
since 2006-03-08
Posts 4ND, USA |
haha thanks.. i always write short like that. something happens, and then i write about it as soon as i get the chance. But anyway thanx for your comment! * |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Your Welcome! ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
very short and very awsome. its very nice Jessica |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Can I just say wow! I love this poem! I love how it starts out. Although I think you should change the, “our eyes lock for just that one moment to afraid to keep your gaze”, to “our eyes lock for just that one moment, I’M to afraid to keep your gaze”, I just feel like it flows a little easier. That could just be me though. I also think that these lines, “your gone, eyes downcast, head down… following the footsteps of another”, it just doesn’t do much for me. The rest of your poem I love! I love the whole thing actually, I’m just a criticizer… If I were you, I would just ignore stargal Thanks for sharing though, it has been a pleasure to read this poem. I am adding this to my private library! @-->--- |
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