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aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

0 posted 2006-03-09 12:12 PM

Why am I scared?
is this world such a place
no one feels safe
they all lock their emotions away

why is it so
is kindness so out of date
where no one cares
to hear another’s plea
for safety

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-03-09 01:05 AM

Here i go again!

Try, "they all lock there(their) emotions away", I know it doesn't
make a big difference, but i think it dresses up the poem more when
you spell everything correctly. I know, i'm a spelling freak!
Just when you see a very badly written poem it slows you down from reading
it, and giving it the attention the writer deserves! Okay, now you really
think i'm wierd.
It's just the way i feel about things...

Also the last stanza, it just doesn't seem to fit.
No, i mean it fits, it just doesn't... fit? It's a little stiff when
you read it you could say...

Other than that, i love your poem! (not that i didn't love it before)
It just expresses a lot of emotions to me, it's true that people do
hide themselves behind masks...

Enough of myself talking though!

Out

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Klassy Lassy
Member Elite

since 2005-06-28

Posts 2187
Oregon

2 posted 2006-03-09 01:41 AM

I am sorry if you are scared.  You are not alone in that.  The world is on a frightening path in this age.  It needs every bit of kindness any of us can muster.

What you ask is a valid question:  all of us do feel, but we learn to hide our feelings and thoughts when we think we might not fit in.  It's really ironic, because no one else can feel for us. In the end, we each have to be responsible for our behavior.

I am an adult...and an 'old' one at that.  We all need the courage of our own convictions.  If kindness is important to you, then it begins with you and the strength of your character.

I like your poem.  I hope you will look for someone you trust to share your fears with.  I can see that you do think beyond the surface of things.

hugs,
Klassy

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

3 posted 2006-03-09 09:19 AM

Nice write. would wite more but cant. See ya

           Jessica

    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

4 posted 2006-03-09 07:57 PM

Hi, first off I'd like to say very nice poem. I liked it a lot and believe me you're not the only one with these emotions..

Stargal.. I'm not sure what you meant by changing "their" to "there" because the sentence "they all locked their emotions away" it posessive so (there, their, they're) should be their if she is talking about the emotions of "they".. just a thought.. I might be misunderstanding something.. Not sure but I thought it seemed correct because "there" is a place..

I loved your poem though.. It was great

Keep it up..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-03-10 01:25 AM

Hey,

You could be right; I might have just misinterpreted the poem in my own crazy mixed up way!

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