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Teen Poetry #7

Confused

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

0 posted 2006-03-07 05:08 PM

Why are you here
in this place of despair?
Why did you say those words
to me that day so long a go?

My heart's clouded.
My mind's dazed
Do I go with what others say?
Or go with my heart
that can’t decide if
I love you or not.
I just can’t decide

My mind's confused
If you’re truly that guy
Or just a fraud
try to break me down

[This message has been edited by aliway (03-08-2006 11:08 PM).]

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-03-07 05:29 PM

nice work. maybe you should make the middle thing  two four lined stanzas. maybe. just thought that that might help. nice work. welcome to pip!

           Jessica

    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-03-07 05:36 PM

Hey,

I really get into what your saying, but...

The last line? You might want to read that out loud and see what you think, personally i think it sounds a little funny, but than again that might just be how you want it to be!

Anyway, keep up the good work, i'd be interested in some of your other work

@-->---

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