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Teen Poetry #7

What’s wrong with me?

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

0 posted 2006-03-05 11:48 PM

We like each other
Or that’s what I believed
But when your friends found out
You lied and said it was for a joke
All hell broke loose

A new year is here
Every one's forgotten
You had your new girlfriends
I’m here on my own

It's mid-school year
You’ve startted up again
You say my eyes are cute
I don’t know about you

We talk on the computer
Never in person
Well I’m not liking that
You like me or not
There's no mid way in
Love

[This message has been edited by aliway (03-07-2006 06:58 PM).]

helenadepp
Member

since 2006-01-16

Posts 59
durham, england

1 posted 2006-03-06 03:08 PM

Well i totally understand where your coming from with this one. Sometimes people and their actions are hard to understand. Oh and dont forget to check your spelling. *Hugs*

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

2 posted 2006-03-06 08:54 PM

i've been where you are. nice write.

           Jessica
              :)
    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-03-08 10:25 PM

Hey,

This is a great poem; I love the lines in it! I just feel like it needs a little more organization to it!

I would like to add more but I must go…
Just a little more advice, read it to yourself, see how you think it sounds, and if you find something, make adjustments!

Keep writing though.
You really show a lot of talent!

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