(dunno what i should call it)

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Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

0 posted 2006-03-02 06:48 PM

Misunderstood by so many people
looked down upon as a fool
Is it always their word against yours?
Does it seem to you like a war?
or more like a battle?
your heart against the world?

it does for me!
but my head is spinning
the world is winning
taking me down
one last hit and I know I shall fall to the ground
I should of known the world was going to win
I had no chance - NOTHING!!!

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
fear and tears....STOP rounda bout here!

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-03-02 07:33 PM

I liked this.. It was more on the negative side but alot of poems are.. Loved it hope to hear more expression from you

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

2 posted 2006-03-02 09:20 PM

thanks....any more........?

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

3 posted 2006-03-04 11:19 PM

short but awsome. I liked everthing about it, even though it was a bit on the negitive side its cool.

ttyl

           Jessica
              :)
    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

4 posted 2006-03-06 01:41 AM

hehe well thank you!

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-03-07 06:29 PM

Wow! You must be annoyed of hearing all my comments by now, but…

The last stanza there was almost nothing I didn’t like, except the,

“it does for me!
but my head is spinning
the world is winning
taking me down
one last hit and I know I shall fall to the ground
I should of known the world was going to win
I had no chance - NOTHING!!!”,

NOTHING? I don’t get where that plays into the whole thing.
Well, it sort of does but… I don’t know, you might want to add something to the nothing.

As for the first stanza… I would (you notice I say “I” a lot?!?) change, “looked down upon as a fool”, to something along the lines of, “looked down upon as if I were a fool”.
Also “does it seem to you like a war? Or more like a battle?” again I would change it to something like,
“does it seem to you like a war, or a battle to be fought”, but that is just my opinion, and you might think my ideas are dumb! I just would like to add my thoughts to poems…

I just joined last night, and one thing I have noticed is all anyone ever says is, “great job”, is this normal? Should I change my critisizm to, “great job”?

Btw, it might have sounded negative, but sometimes it is the truth on how things stand in this world.

Thanks for sharing!

@-->---

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

6 posted 2006-03-08 12:00 PM

hey again na really keep up the good work you point out some good things....

and it makes sence to me the "nothing bit...but it was how i was feeling kinda like i hade no chance.....i had nothing! maybe that makes a vit more sence. I dunno and thanks for the useful tips....and the "great job" thing...when i first came here thats what it looked like i was meant to do ... so i did it. But thats not the way so yeah keep up with the great tips

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

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