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Ethan M. O'Callahan
New Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 7

0 posted 2006-02-28 09:12 PM

something inside me
must find it
must fight it

some darkeness inside me
must find it
must light it

some emptiness inside me
must find it
must fill it

some monster inside me
must find it
must kill it

fall away
fall away
we need to find a place to stay
far far away
we're they can't get us

hide away
hide away
here you can have a place with me
far far away
where they cant hurt us

they've ruined everything
and now we must write it

they've broken everything
and now we must write it

strike and my heart will ring
we'll make our way despite it

dark memories will cling
all you can do is hide it

the wave of last chance will come
all you can do is ride it

our final dance will come
and no one can deny it

far far away
where the past doesnt mean a thing
far far away
where just living now is everything
far far away
where the birds will always sing
far far away
now we just need to find it...

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-02-28 09:38 PM

"where just living now is everything."

I love this part more out of the whole poem.
This poem made me think about life.. about certain things and how people are just sitting here. About how we need to find that place, strive to get there just to enjoy it.
Not my favorite piece but I like the way you formed the poem overall. I believe it had a nice flow even with uneven stanzas but I know poetry can be written many ways and it doesn't have to be even. Overall I liked it.

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

2 posted 2006-02-28 11:56 PM

Its good. Icant find anyhting to critizize so.... The line I liked the most was " where just living now is everything" and " where the birds will always sing". yeah those waere nice.

           Jessica
              :)
    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

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