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Teen Poetry #7
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Freedom
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Freedom |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
i am reading a book about a young slave girl. Phyllis weatley, in the story being free means everything to her. a main idea in the book is that , you cant be anybody ever, unless you have freedom. i was thinking about that when i wrote this.!!!! hope you like personally i think i have written better ...dunno wut do you guys think?? It is for freedom, you pay the heaviest price It is for freedom, you make the greatest sacrifice All for freedom, it means so much, To those who do not have it, means the world It’s that, all that they hope for, just those special words I’m free, free to become Anyone. Most of us who have our freedom, take it for granted We have no qualms with going about, unknowing flaunting Liberty, free, independent, choice, they all stand as one thing A beacon of light, a banner of hope, something to aspire for Female, male, happy, sad, black or white, rich or poor I am free, to be Me. Those who live trapped, cornered, confined All awaiting the day, their lives, and freedom, are entwined Just to be able to feel those words on your tongue, taste the bittersweet Beauty, that comes with this opportunity, a price you will pay for this Is it worth it though, to give maybe what you love most, for a dream? You have free will, there may be a cost for actions, will it cause you distress? Now I am unshackled, a release Finally seen, If we are free, oftentimes we stop being thankful, for this gift. So many others are caged; its promise can only bring them a lift. As they hope, for one day, when they will be liberated For them the only way they can let go of life is, death Calling upon those who want to live, avoiding those who no longer want to take in breath They can wish, hope, and dream That is the only freedom left. Freedom Lives are given Toward that goal, driven. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Rhia, Nice poem! I think that it is a good idea to remind people that there's a lot more to freedom and that we take it for granted... I'm not sure that I would call this one of your bests, but I rather liked it. Although, if you re-read some of it, you will,maybe, find that some of the sentences do not always make sense. At least that is what I found... I loved this stanza, "Those who live trapped, cornered, confined All awaiting the day, their lives, and freedom, are entwined Just to be able to feel those words on your tongue, taste the bittersweet Beauty, that comes with this opportunity, a price you will pay for this Is it worth it though, to give maybe what you love most, for a dream? You have free will, there may be a cost for actions, will it cause you distress?" I thought you did a very good job with this. The wording, the setup of all of this was amazing. Thanks for sharing  @-->--- |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
i liked it.... still not one of my favorites from you and it was a little long but i don't see how you could make it shorter with all that meaning(thats a good thing) but yeah hope to read more poems from you..... hope you enjoyed the book oh and my fav stanza was I’m free, free to become Anyone. good write. hunnie* A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your |
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