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Teen Poetry #7
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Waiting
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Waiting |
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Why Junior Member
since 2003-09-26
Posts 32Middle of nowhere |
Upon my heart sits cold despair It has begun to spread everywhere I miss you dearly in this your time of need Is it me longing for you or is it simply greed I look down these halls expecting you in vain I wish I could but I cant hide this pain Your in every dream good and bad Thats why I always seem so sad I await the time of your returning While your gone a hole in my heart is burning Every day seems so long It's just so hard to be strong |
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| © Copyright 2003 Christopher Poff - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cuda04 Junior Member
since 2003-09-03
Posts 46Wisconsin,USA |
This has a great message, but watch the rhymes. They seem utterly forced. Also, your--possession...you're is you are...watch the use of the word. Good write, keep it up. Always look forward, never look back, dreams are much more refreshing than regrets. |
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Why Junior Member
since 2003-09-26
Posts 32Middle of nowhere |
thanks for the advice Im a beginner in fact I only started this week |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
WHOAAA! This was a great poem for a beginner! I love the message and everything else about it! Gotta watch the "your, you're" thing though. Great job! ~Jess  "Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this was excelent. especially for your first week.... yeh just watch the meanings with some words.... your, you're. there, their, they're etc.... but keep it up you got a great thing and natural talent |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Christopher~ Everyone has a starting place - Glad yours is here -  *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
I really liked this poem, it's really hard to believe that you just started a week ago, cuz this poem is so good for a beginner ~*~Karen~*~ |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
yes, big gapping whole of nothingness. |
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Silent Evincar Member
since 2003-07-22
Posts 179Here There and Places Between |
Yes I know the feeling of a sleepless night waiting and waiting for something but end up becoming burned. Very good. NJS |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Christopher, I would like to welcome you to Passions In Poetry. This is a good poem that you have started with. I enjoyed reading it. There were a lot of feelings in your poem. I hope that you enjoy it here at PIP. Please check your e-mail for a special greeting from all of us here at Passions.  Ethel/garysgirl Moderator/Passions In Poetry |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Well, Christopher, I'd say you've gotten off to an excellent start with this write. I'll look forward to reading more of your work. Welcome to Passions.  ~Vicky When the power of love overcomes the |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Welcome to Passions~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
*sigh* I can relate to this poem so well right now. Amazing piece for someone who just started writing! Im in awe! Welcome to piptalk, I look forward to reading more from you. W.W. |
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