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Teen Poetry #7

This Place Of Fake Dreams

XxnoraxX
Member

since 2006-01-24

Posts 122
<3 MA,,,USA <3

0 posted 2006-02-18 12:42 PM

First, you took my name
Took away all my fame

You stole my friends
it seems like this nightmare doesnt have an end

When i walk the streets
everyone whispers calling me a dirty freak

All i did was run for president
Sure im a girl but you left a dent

Laughing behind me
This is what is meant to be

Im a girl thats sure of herself
I know i can change the world all by myself

Now im being rejected by all these differant faces
the social ladder ran out of places

Im not sorry I ever ran
Im not sorry I was blown away by the social fan

I dont care if no one supports me
I know i have myself to be

I'll just walk the deserted streets
away from this place of fake dreams

-XxnoraxX
Hope you liked it

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-02-18 12:47 PM

Wow

Where your heart lays is where you belong.

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

2 posted 2006-02-18 12:49 PM

First off, I hate to be critical of u Nora, I do like your writing and it is great all the time. But I just dont like the rhythem of this, itz gotta have a beat right? I know ur just trying to get ur point across and ending it with a rhyming word, but try and make it flow. But thats only for a few lines at the start, the end is great.

XxnoraxX
Member

since 2006-01-24

Posts 122
<3 MA,,,USA <3

3 posted 2006-02-18 12:58 PM

Thanks for replying guys- yea i kind of have to work on the rhythem part
Thanks for the advice

XoXo,
XxnoraxX

No ones perfect;just perfect for each other-<3

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