this pain will make us try.

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Teen Poetry #7

this pain will make us try.

electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

0 posted 2006-02-03 10:33 PM

this is how we lose one
another
deep within the changing winds
you're leaving
i'm already
done
gone

...and goodbyes are much sweeter
when thrown in with a
twist of guilt
on the inside
we are all alike
matched perfectly
beating hearts

you. were. me
and this is how we lose each other
deep within the oncoming seasons
you were scared
i
was
broken
beyond
repair

who could rescue what we shared?
when you wouldn't even speak
without choosing your words so carefully
who could rescue what we once loved?
when i hid behind excuses,
tumbling down upon reason after reason

imperfect love had never seemed so
perfect until
i met you
but now you're leaving
and i'm already
done
gone

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

1 posted 2006-02-04 12:15 PM

I really like the beat of this poem. It's original and fresh. Mabey I would put some monosyllablic words on some other lines, but it got the point across. Must have been a very rough time u went through, sounds much like what I have seen.

Unorthodox mabey, but I grow on you.

XxnoraxX
Member

since 2006-01-24

Posts 122
<3 MA,,,USA <3

2 posted 2006-02-04 11:04 PM

Great poem and so true. Keep up the good work.

XxnoraxX

skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

3 posted 2006-03-26 12:39 PM

i think your work should attract more attention than this. This was awesome, and so original in terms of the way you express yourself.

hope to read more.

turtle

curiouse
Member

since 2006-03-21

Posts 277
england

4 posted 2006-04-07 04:59 PM

i love it!

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

5 posted 2006-04-07 09:53 PM

Real nice. the word per line could have been orginized differently, its still wonderfull though.

Jessica

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