»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
The lonely people
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
The lonely people |
|
|
byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
For all the lonely people, I know where you have been. I've seen the sadness mounting, I've fought the final dream. Trust me when I tell you, that all you know is wrong. Those people really love you, they will write your final song. The life that we dream of we will be seeing so soon. All that we are wanting; we all want to feel so good. I find it within me to carry it on and live like i should. The people surround me and influence me to be like the group. But all the lonely people, don't know where they come from. They think they're life is empty, they have so much more to come. What should be in the future, is not what is to come. For all the lonley people, the pain has yet begun. Unorthodox mabey, but I grow on you. |
||
| © Copyright 2006 byski - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
LOSTANDFORGOTTEN Junior Member
since 2005-12-22
Posts 16 |
wow tht was really good i enjoyed it  JESs |
||
|
SincerelyYours New Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 2 |
The life that we dream of we will be seeing so soon. All that we are wanting; we all want to feel so good. This to me didn't quite fit with the rest of the poem. I Think this was really, really good though...It was just that Stanza, I Think it was a little..off...from the rest of the poem. Well Done, Sincerely Yours |
||
|
XxnoraxX Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122<3 MA,,,USA <3 |
This is great! It flows perfectly- keep up the great work XoXo, |
||
|
Stepharoo Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149Washington, USA |
Hmm... I liked this, it reminds me of something, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Nice Job Steph |
||
|
byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
well if u want to know I kind of based it on the rythem of "Elanor Rigby" by the beatles. That might be what you're thinking about. |
||
latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Lovely Where your heart lays is where you belong. |
||
|
Free_Spirit07 Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 222The middle of my mind! |
a huh, i cought onto the beatles thing  hehenice wrtie  x0x0 |
||
PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
This poem has a lot of promise, very cool read. I like the tone of the poem, very sad yet unappologetically not giving up. I like it. Just a couple of thoughts, though. Your first two stanzas are kickass, but the third to me loses steam. In the forth stanza, you lose it all together. Keeping that flow in a poem is what can generally make it that much more powerful, you know what I mean? I would either take out the third and forth stanza, or rewrite them so the flow more with the feel of the rest of the poem. Just my two cents.  ~Daniel/Titus |
||
|
ShelbyLynn13 Member
since 2006-02-15
Posts 73US, Colorodo |
awesome \every one is special in their own way!!! |
||
|
the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
For all the lonley people, the pain has yet begun this is my favorite part. I didn't find this poem difficult to read but difficult to put toether because you change your stanza size and flow completely in the middle of the poem and then go back to writing like you began when you get to the end. I love message in this poem. I've been that person the lonely and the person who tries to see everything good. Good write but I believe this could be a great poem with a little work. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
||
|
byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
I see what you mean my neighbour. But what do you mean a little work? Where do I need to apply it? Organization or what? I'd like to hear you back on this one. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
