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electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

0 posted 2006-07-05 09:25 PM

you ask why my heart is
tied-again and again
i stare prettily into the reflection
you’ve created for me
all smiles in the end
but i don’t see how it would matter
when it comes down to it
you’ll kiss me and
the fireworks will explode
within the places that you haven’t touched yet
and it’ll be the worst kind
of sparks
the kind that leave burn marks
long after you’re gone
more and more miles away
and you’ll never belong there
not without me by your side
not without at least some of your pride
that you’ll probably forget back
in new jersey
and never is it the right time to
collapse down into
your arms-again and again
is this the beginning or the ending
of who we desire to become?
because the love it seeps into every pore
leaving every word unsure
i stare prettily into the reflection
you’ve created for me
all smiles in the end
but i don’t see how it would matter
when it comes down to it
you’ll kiss me and
the fireworks will explode
within the places that you haven’t touched yet
and it’ll be the worst kind
of sparks
and i’ll always be falling
apart without you here
counting the lies that i’m missing
year after year

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-07-05 11:02 PM

"you?ll kiss me and
the fireworks will explode
within the places that you haven?t touched yet"

"counting the lies that i?m missing"

These are my favorite two parts..

very emotional and Deep... I liked this a lot.. I could tell that it means something or else it seems like it does.. it seems like it has a really big story behind it.. Great job..

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-07-09 01:59 AM

"the fireworks will explode
within the places that you haven’t touched yet
and it’ll be the worst kind
of sparks
the kind that leave burn marks
long after you’re gone
more and more miles away
and you’ll never belong there
not without me by your side
not without at least some of your pride
that you’ll probably forget back
in new jersey
and never is it the right time to
collapse down into
your arms-again and again
is this the beginning or the ending
of who we desire to become?
because the love it seeps into every pore
leaving every word unsure"

I loved this part^^

Your critiques message says to be honest, so I will. This would have to be my favorite poem, ever written by you, it tops all the others and leaves them behind in the dust. I'm not saying I don't like your other ones, it's just that this one is such an excellant write...

I'm simply amazed by this poem. I loved it~!

Thanks for sharing, i can't wait to see more

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