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Teen Poetry #7
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happy?
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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happy? |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
heehee i guess things always do get better, life is a big party after all... you finally said, "I love you", even after all we've been through, and I finally belived you, because I love you too. I don't know why everything happened like that, and i think i've worked on getting you back, it's been awhile on the rough side, and seeing you sad made me want to hide, I didn't feel ready, for keeping us steady, now having had you gone from me, I could fianlly see, I'm ready to realize what could be, and having loved you, you loved me, and now I am happy, I know it sounds a little sappy, remember what i say to you, and I hope you feel the same way too, so please belive what I say is true, because losing you, I relized I loved you. (and if your acually reading this baby... yooh smell good too...) heehee ignore the last part unless your acually the person i wrote the poem 4. i dunno really think it has much of a flow pattern but i couldn't really think of anything that would really fit that rhymes with side and hide... other than glide and abide but i couldn't make it fit awww. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your |
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| © Copyright 2006 Krysti - All Rights Reserved | |||
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The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan |
Well I'd have to agree with you on the flow, but overall it had a nice concept. I can't help but think that if edited/rewritten this could be great. Don't get me wrong though it was a good write albeit the flow. I find the side notes kind of funny though ^_^  |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I like this poem.. it flows very well.. it reminds me of how i use to write poems when I was about 10 or 11.. very simple and blunt.. Good job.. I do think that this could be taken even farther and edited to be a great piece.. but what you have it good bc it comes from your heart  Great Write! ~Heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
i think i write better when i'm sad b/c then i tend to want more of a rhyme pattern but thanx for responding... i think the person i wrote this 4 liked the side notes too cuz we r back together....and he said i smell gud todai.... he yooh don't know how awkward that feels until it is said to yooh belive me heeeheeee.... hunnie A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Umm, Yeah I agree with everyone else on the flow... I also kind of felt you jumped around a lot without actually telling us what was going on so you kind of had to piece it all together in a wierd fashion. It wasn't in any kind of order and I found that difficult to read, no offence... I liked this stanza, "you finally said, "I love you", even after all we've been through, and I finally belived you, because I love you too." Cause it was a good setup for the poem. It got things rolling... I don't know what i'm saying... Good job on this poem hunnie_girl, it was an enjoyable read  @-->--- |
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