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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-07-05 05:29 PM

{i wrote this a while back, january i think, and i just found it so i decided to post it!}

thinking back
yes, again
to when
at least
we were friends

something happened
everything changed
my life
has now been rearranged

no smile
no nod
no look in my eye
my heart is empty
im dying inside

i wonder now
if it was ever real
i wish
my lonely heart could heal

but at last,
i know the truth
you never loved me
but i'll always love you.

thinking back
again and again
to not longago
when you let me,
in love, go.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-07-05 11:04 PM

when you let me,
in love, go..

That is beautiful.. the poem in itself is very short and sweet I feel like it could be improved some or lengthened to make it have more to it but what you have is fine too..

Great job.. I can somewhat relate.

~heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2006-07-06 01:40 PM

thanks..i kinda wanted to make it a little bit longer, but it just kinda had to end i guess..b/c it rhymes and all,it wouldn't gotten a little..i don't know, old if i kept going..maybe its just me, but thanks!!have any ideas?
-missy

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-07-09 10:49 AM

"i wonder now
if it was ever real
i wish
my lonely heart could heal"

Very pretty and sad... I loved that stanza, it was amazing!

I kinda think that this poem should've been longer, or at least ended differently. I think that you cut it off before you came to a "good" ending. I'm not saying that the one you have now is bad just that I felt like you could've done something better, no offence.

I really liked this poem, I liked the flow to it, there wasn't any rough spots that I could see, it was perfect...

Thanks for sharing

@-->---

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

4 posted 2006-07-17 05:49 PM

MAN i can relate to this poem alot. I really liked this poem alot though. It was very emotional! I loved very much.
I hope I'll see more of your writings.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

5 posted 2006-07-18 10:49 AM

thanks for the replies stargal and cherry's_rule..im glad y'all enjoyed the poem.

-missy

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