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Teen Poetry #7
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eternal_echobassplayer
Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12
Tx, USA

0 posted 2005-12-29 01:39 PM


Hey there everyone! This my first, I hope you enjoy!  I'm in a rock band and this one of the songs that i have recently written. Any advice would be great! Hope you like it!

Subside

Why is that
Out of all the guys I know
You're the one I can't forget
Why can't these feelings just go

You told me that you loved me
Held my heart out on a string
Through your lies I could see
That it was just another short fling

(chorus)
I thought you could save me
From the thoughts inside
Why can't these feelings you see
Just freaking subside
It all ended before it started
But you still want to be my friend
This is so retarded
That won't help my heart mend

It began with a simple kiss
It was all just a game
Three years after this
It ended just the same

Though I asked you and you said no
You still care for her
That I do know
It just doesn't seem fair
That I have to see you go

(chorus)
I thought you could save me
From the thoughts inside
Why can't these feelings you see
Just freaking subside
It all ended before it started
But you still want to be my friend
This so retarded
That won't help my heart mend

But why you had to lie
I'll never understand
You make me want to cry
Yet you still call yourself my friend

I never felt that way before
And I never want to again
It's a scar up for the score
All the hurt caused within

(Chorus)
I thought you could save me
from the thoughts inside
Why can't these feelings you see
Just freaking subside
It all ended before it started
But you still want to be my friend
This is so retarded
That won't help my heart mend

Just let me go


Haley

Life's not every moment we spend breathing, but  every moment that takes our breath away.

[This message has been edited by eternal_echobassplayer (12-31-2005 06:05 PM).]

© Copyright 2005 Haley G. - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2005-12-29 05:16 PM


Welcome to Pip! How cool that you are in a band...the only advice I would give? the spelling of retarded. You have it as "retarted"

*please check your email for a special greeting!

Sexy
Member
since 2005-11-25
Posts 53

2 posted 2005-12-30 11:41 AM


Welcome to pip......Good write

eternal_echobassplayer
Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12
Tx, USA
3 posted 2005-12-31 06:04 PM


Thanks sea! Lol!
eternal_echobassplayer
Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12
Tx, USA
4 posted 2005-12-31 06:04 PM


Thanks sexy!
Ringo
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Member Elite
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes
5 posted 2005-12-31 07:47 PM


This is a really good post!! I throroughly enjoyed reading it.
Be sure to check your e-mail for a special surprise.

     

"...and as we drift along, I never fail to be astounded by the things we'll do for promises..."
Ronnie James Dio

eternal_echobassplayer
Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12
Tx, USA
6 posted 2006-01-01 01:41 PM


Thanks Ringo!
intention
Member
since 2005-11-13
Posts 59
New Delhi, INDIA
7 posted 2006-01-02 08:06 AM


hey i can make out how good the song would be
perfect
hope to see more
shilpii

Love me for who i m

eternal_echobassplayer
Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12
Tx, USA
8 posted 2006-01-03 04:14 PM


Thanks intention!!!
ska babe
Member
since 2005-11-08
Posts 58
nowwhere, IN
9 posted 2006-01-09 02:49 PM


i love it!!! good first write. and i bet its a awsome song!!

"I am the one who has to die when it's my time to die, so I'm gonna live life the way I wanna"- Jimi Hendrix

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248

10 posted 2006-01-09 07:45 PM


Wow. great write. welcome to Pip... Hope to see more


<3kerR

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae West

eternal_echobassplayer
Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12
Tx, USA
11 posted 2006-01-09 08:48 PM


Thanks you guys. We just recently played this song last weekend, and it was a total and rockin' hit!
Kaos
Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317
between space and time
12 posted 2006-01-13 12:43 PM


unique sound to it... flows along nicely, cool write

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-i wrote it somewhere in time

eternal_echobassplayer
Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12
Tx, USA
13 posted 2006-01-13 12:51 PM


Thanks Kaos!!!
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