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Teen Poetry #7
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Starlight in my Eyes
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Starlight in my Eyes |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
Do stars sparkle only at night? or are we too blind to see? An almost supernatural glow befalls the land as the mooon illuminates my sight. I see the forming of the world the beauty made for all to see and i begin to wonder if anything was made for only me I've searched for on one thing to set me apart something that is no one elses through the darkest parts of my mind I've crept over the illusions I have wept I searched in vain finding nothing but lies and incredible pain as parts of my soul were chipped away i lost more of myself by the end of everyday beaten and lost I concluded my quest and began to think i was just one of the rest blinded by my search i didn't see the beauty searching for me even unseen stars still shine now I know that this star is mine she was made for me the beauty made for only me now she owns every part of me -"Poet Nascitar, Non Fit" |
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| © Copyright 2005 Tony Ryan Johnson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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eternal_echobassplayer Junior Member
since 2005-12-28
Posts 12Tx, USA |
Very Interesting......I like it!  |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hi fool |
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XxnoraxX Member
since 2006-01-24
Posts 122<3 MA,,,USA <3 |
real good- nice job XoXo, |
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PoetryIsLife 
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Wow. This was a fantastic piece, my friend. It really was. It's one of the best pieces I've read in a while, for its control of flow and movement within the poem. Maybe it's just me, but if you were to correct the punctuation, I think that would add to the poem. The lack of concrete pauses can be distracting. "something that is no one elses" I might change this line; I find myself stumbling on it. Maybe... "something only I can possess" "i lost more of myself by the end of everyday beaten and lost I concluded my quest and began to think i was just one of the rest" These are great lines. Kickass ending, too. ~Daniel/Titus |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
i like it. it has a nice flow to it. easy to read Where your heart lays is where you belong. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Once again, great poem. ~Daniel?Titus Fighting the good fight, deployed to Iraq. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I'm not sure if this is the only poem I've read of yours or not but this was a great piece. I loved the way I could read it without having to stop and think about it. I could read it with a nice steady pace. Wonderful work I hope to read more interesting pieces like this. ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
once again, hi fool... |
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Free_Spirit07 Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 222The middle of my mind! |
whats with the hi fool? great poem  x0x0 |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
lol we go way back, but i haven't talked to him in awhile and i was trying to make him reply. apparently he doesn't feel like doing so. oh well. At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio |
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silentmage13 Junior Member
since 2005-11-20
Posts 14Florida |
This poem is awesome! My only suggestion would be to introduce her earlier in the poem and continue to make her the highlight of it. Whoever she is would deserve to have more than three lines. |
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