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Teen Poetry #7

Careless

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2005-08-06 01:02 AM

She broke your heart
with the words shoved
so carefully in her back pocket
that you fell quickly
for a punk rock girl with
pursed lips and cropped hair
and she writes about other boys
while you watch her sleep
she dreams about life without you
always trying to keep her

And I'd like to feel
somehow responsible
for my careless actions concerning you

but I couldn't.

we have matching emo glasses
trading CDs like the common cold
wrap myself in his arms
you shove your hands in her hair
and she could find a million reasons
why you'd still want me
but you can't, and you don't,
and you'll never believe

that I broke your heart intentionally.

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2005-08-06 09:32 PM

Wow, I'm impressed. The imagery in this was awesome. You expressed the emotion so well that it was not only a beautiful picture, but a symphony. Maybe this one just touched me, but I certainly do like it.

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

2 posted 2005-08-06 09:52 PM

hey,
yeah i liked this one, an interesting format flipping between making it seem like you and not. the ending was a nice twist, kind of sardonic i guess might be the word. overall i'd say nicely done, i really like the part about cds, creative.

bergundy

At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio

I_dont_know_me
Junior Member

since 2003-12-08

Posts 48
UK, Cymru

3 posted 2005-08-09 09:14 PM

WOWSA i love it x x x

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