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LOSTinTHISworld
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 94
canada

0 posted 2005-07-14 04:10 PM

i sit here alone
i am always alone
even when i am with people
i feel alone
as long as you are not with me
i will feel alone

i miss you everyday
do you ever miss me?
i think about you always
am i enough to pass by your thoughts?
i care about you so much
do you even give a damn about me?

i will always love you
until the day i die
and maybe even after
you touched my soul
with your kindness
amazed by your intelligence
struck by your beauty
theres not a thing about you
i dont admire

i wish you could love me
i wish i could win your heart
all i want is to hold you
to be your number one
because you will always be mine

you will always be in my heart
even though it breaks
more and more every day
you dont love me

{in a million years i wont be over you}

[This message has been edited by LOSTinTHISworld (07-14-2005 10:49 PM).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2005-07-14 08:21 PM

awwww..this is so sad, and sweet all at the same time...

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

2 posted 2005-07-14 11:16 PM

i really like this but i think it would be a lot better w/ out

"i sit here alone
i am always alone
even when i am with people
i feel alone
as long as you are not with me
i will feel alone"

or if you changed it up a little its too standard and spiffed up a little would be good

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

3 posted 2005-07-16 08:33 AM

"i will always love you
until the day i die
and maybe even after"

"all i want is to hold you
to be your number one
because you will always be mine"

Really, Really enjoyed. I know this, all too well. This is going into my library.

<3

I cant believe how long i waited
for the boy to turn into my man...

Now if i could figure out, if it was worth the wait.

aliway
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 185
With in your eyes

4 posted 2006-06-18 04:44 AM

i love your poem, i can relate to it.

this is my favorite part-
  "i will always love you
  until the day i die
  and maybe even after
  you touched my soul
  with your kindness
  amazed by your intelligence
  struck by your beauty
  theres not a thing about you
  i dont admire

  i wish you could love me
  i wish i could win your heart
  all i want is to hold you
  to be your number one
  because you will always be mine

  you will always be in my heart
  even though it breaks
  more and more every day
  you dont love me"

great job
*leah

The love you cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest, and hurts the most

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

5 posted 2006-06-18 08:46 AM

this was good. in the first stanza i found it to be a bit repetitive...the whole alone thing. Other than that it was good.

Sweetie01
Junior Member

since 2006-05-15

Posts 28
NJ, USA

6 posted 2006-06-18 04:45 PM

I agree with bekahlekah45...I found the firststanza to be repetive. But after that stanza, the poem was good. I enjoyed reading it, keep up the good work!
~*~Amanda~*~

forgotten1
New Member

since 2006-06-14

Posts 3
al, usa

7 posted 2006-06-20 12:52 PM

hey LOSTinTHISworld, i can totally relate to everything u just said. it was like you telling the story for me. "great minds think alike" sorry old line but it is so true.

*forgotten1*

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

8 posted 2006-06-22 07:12 PM

I likd this. However the only critique I would have would to change up the first stanza. I liked the idea but it was extremely redundant, you might try and change it up just a bit! Keep it up!

AIM-blueyed angel940
She's a question without answers...

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