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Teen Poetry #7
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WaterFairy103
Member
since 2006-05-31
Posts 196


0 posted 2006-06-18 02:03 AM


You said I coudln't live without
our love, but that's not true.
Here's a little newsflash, hun,
I don't have to need you.

I don't have to need your eyes,
or the way you laugh and smile.
Even though, for me, I know
you'd crawl on your knees for miles.

I don't have to love your hair,
or the way you keep it a bit too long.
I don't have to need your voice,
or the way you write me songs.

I don't have to need your long legs,
or your strong, loving arms.
'Cause let me tell you somethin', babe
I can be quite impervious to your charms.

No, I don't have to need you,
but before you get mad at me,
I'll say that I don't HAVE to,
but you're the one I want to need.

I love needing your love and touch,
and that's better, true?
So tell me that you love me,
because I love needing you.

Dance like nobody's watching,
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening,
and Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

© Copyright 2006 Kelsey Dianne - All Rights Reserved
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
1 posted 2006-06-18 02:20 AM


i haven't been to this site for a long time and when i visited it again i found a whole bunch of new poems i haven't read. i really loved it i think it had a nice flow and i can relate to it too...... keep up the good work and i look forward to reading more from you.
~hunnie~

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

Frank W. Torres
Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 133

2 posted 2006-06-18 09:02 AM


Very nice.
Sweetie01
Junior Member
since 2006-05-15
Posts 28
NJ, USA
3 posted 2006-06-18 04:38 PM


Hey,
  Well...I loved this poem! It had a really nice flow to it and most readers could relate to the poem, I know I did. I liked how you started the poem saying all the things you don't have to need about the person you are writing about, then in the last two stanzas you said that you don't HAVE to need the person, but you WANT to need him. All I can say is keep up the GREAT work and I really hope to hear more from you!
   ~*~Amanda~*~

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
4 posted 2006-06-18 07:37 PM


I loved it.. it was very sweet and simple. sweet to say the least lol jk.. but this was amazing. the ending line pulled it all together. great job.

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
5 posted 2006-06-19 01:06 AM


Okay, I apologize but this is going to be a short comment and I might sound kind of rude but it’s not on purpose…

I did love this poem, I loved it a lot actually I have felt the same way about someone so I can relate, and poems I relate to I always love.

Just so you know, you have a few errors in the first stanza you might want to fix, nothing that the reader won’t be able to understand what you are saying, but it’s always better to fix that kind of stuff…

Also on the stanza right before the last one, it’s a little confusing, the last two lines I mean. Since you have the “HAVE” in capitals, I might suggest having the “want” in capitals too, make it stand out a little more, because you can skim right over the last line and not understand what you are saying, just because the “want” isn’t sticking out… The reader is to busy paying attention to the “HAVE”. So, that’s just a thought, no offence.

I found that the stanza I liked most out of the whole poem, oddly enough, to be the second one, yeah, sure, I know it should have been the last, and the last stanza is great by the way, it’s just that the second stanza really stood out to me. The last few lines I suppose are what everyone dreams of having someone do for him or her, not literally but you know what I mean, I hope…

Anyway, so this wasn’t as short as I was planning but that’s okay… I enjoyed reading this poem very much, it was great and I hope that you will post more online soon

@-->---

tapper798
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353
My own world
6 posted 2006-06-22 07:10 PM


I really liked this for 2 reasons. Because A) it had a good concept I hadn't thought of before, kinda had it's own attitude to it.
and B) it reminds me of something I might write lol
Anways I loved it. Keep it up!

AIM-blueyed angel940
She's a question without answers...

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