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Teen Poetry #7
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In the Mirror
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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In the Mirror |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
In the mirror I watched her eyes swell up in tears and as i saw her face the most blankest stare sat there losing herself to all her fears and as the first tear fell she said it stood for each and every time she thought of how to end this internal pain "Stop" she screamed inside her head as the thoughts came rushing bad memories are back and the good ones gone more tears fell one after another I know I saw her I watched her, I Lived her all through the mirror For every drop of my blood that falls |
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| © Copyright 2006 Amber Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
this was an ok poem as well. on the line "and as i saw her face the most blankest stare sat there" take out most. because most blankest is wrong english, i sometimes talk with bad english but i cant stand writing in it. so...yeah... |
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Sweetie01 Junior Member
since 2006-05-15
Posts 28NJ, USA |
spaz02, very good..I have read some of your other poems & I think that you are a talented writer. I liked this one a lot. I'm not sure if this is what the meaning is or not, but I think the meaning is that it is telling an experience of someone who has had a bad experience & now is looking back in the past and forgetting all the good things and remembering only the bad things?? ~Amanda |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey spaz02, This isn’t one of my favorites by you but I did like it. I loved how you used the mirror to describe this that was really cool… The only thing I would say about this that hasn’t been said would be some of the tenses. There are a couple that I think are incorrect but I’m not 100% sure on that, because I’m really bad with that sort of thing, so you might want to go through and re-read the poem to yourself. See what you think. “I know I saw her I watched her, I lived her All through the mirror” Loved these lines, it wasn’t what I was expecting. I didn’t even really think you were talking about yourself at first, it was a neat twist to the poem! Anyway, once again great write by you and I can’t wait to read more in the near future  @-->--- |
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makeupstains New Member
since 2006-06-27
Posts 7 |
tonight has been a little off for me. and i read this. and it kind of felt like. you were speaking for me. i enjoyed it. the last lines. my favorite. good write. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I really liked the last stanza in this.. it seemed to pull the whole poem together.. good job..keep up the good work.. ~heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
you guys r so great...i feel so welcome here..and i love reading all of yours too..thanks so much! ~Amber For every drop of my blood that falls |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Nice write. I enjoyed it. I was feeling very down. And I don’t know why but you poem jut kinda cheered me up. (Or woke me up. (It’s like 6 in the morning. I’ve been up for an hour and a half. I know I saw her I watched her, I lived her all through the mirror This I didn’t really think flowed that well. I don’t know it’s just the middle line that kinda bugged me. I think that it should be 'I lived her, I was her'. But that wouldn’t work either. I don’t know. Sorry. Just ingnore me. Jessica |
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