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Teen Poetry #7
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"adieu"
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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"adieu" |
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CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248
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He never knew the power he held when he looked in her eyes She started to melt And he didn't know What she'd feel everytime He held her hand Oh, what ran through her mind And her didnt feel All the love that she knew So he packed all his things and bid "adieu" The second he left she burst into tears Because, with him gone, she'd realized her fears Her heart'd become heavy Her hands'd become cold She'd cry everynight 'til the days she grew old She felt all this pain yet had nothing to do she was never the same Since he'd bid "adieu" She couldn't live like this anymore So she left all her things and walked out the door. She didn't know how She wasn't sure when But she knew that some day "They"'d be again With this thought in mind she made for the lake One simple word was all that she'd speak 'Adieu, my love' She thought for awhile Then slowly fell forward "Adieu." With a smile. I cant believe how long i waited |
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| © Copyright 2005 Keryn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hmm, very interesting. one complaint: you said 'her' somewhere instead of him...i'll look where, 9th line..i got really confused until i figured out you meant him. otherwise parts of this poem were kinda cliche, but a lot of it was creative...i think it was a fairly nice mix. i really liked the ending, and i felt like i had to reply to this because 0 replys?? come on people, we're slackin! once again i like this, i'm not sure if its' up there with your best or not...it's a thinker. i am happy with 99 percent of it, but for some reason there is just one tiny bit that bugs me and i can't figure out what it is. hopefully that didn't offend you or anything, but in the end i like it anyway. bergundy At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio |
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WranglrButts9 Member
since 2004-10-24
Posts 108Iowa, US |
Hmm.. *scratches her head* I thought I replied to this. But I do have to agree.. people and replies are rare. I liked this poem.. it was different. I also noticed the him/her mix up, but after a couple read throughs I understood, lol. Bailey Good judgment comes from experience, |
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CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248 |
Hey, thank you for commenting. I typed this one in a rush, Yeah line 9 is supposed to say "and he" I wasnt sure if i liked this one either, and then other people said it was good, so i was like OK post it. Get it over with. I've been coming up with alot of stuff lately, even added a chapter to my book, and it only took me an hour. So yeah, i know ive been throwing alot of my poetry out there for everyone to read. ignore me if you want. im perfectly okay with that. lol. And bergundy, thanks for replying to this one. I know what you mean, i didnt really like it too much either. its...good, but off, just a little bit. Oh well. thank you again! _keryn I cant believe how long i waited |
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