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Teen Poetry #7

I want you to know

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

0 posted 2005-05-02 10:41 PM

simple lies were all it took
you're not mine any longer
you walked out that door
the second you heard

a rumor can change lives.
i want you to know
i wasn't the one who lied

but you walked out the door
without a chance for me to explain

so i guess the rumors were for the best
because if you cared,
i would have been able to explain.

and you wouldnt have walked out on me.

__________________________________________________

do your worst, i wrote this in like, two minutes. i dont even know if it makes sense, or if i like it yet. so have fun with this one guys.

By the way, your hands are shaking...

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

1 posted 2005-05-02 10:45 PM

i like the idea but you repeated " you walked out that door" and it didnt really work... good idea tho

love will make you beautiful

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2005-05-03 08:45 AM

hmmm.....i completely understand where you are coming from. for me though, it helps me vent those emotions better when I creatively try to express them. what you have here isn't really creative at all. these phrases are used every 30 seconds. try to be original and fresh. people get tired of mediocrity. you'll feel much better and more accomplished yourself if you strive to write something that people with admire.

-alex

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