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HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

0 posted 2005-04-01 05:30 PM

I hold these truths
to be self evident
that in this life
I'm more than a resident

That growing up
isn't growing old
That I am more
than flesh can hold

Ignorance may be bliss
for a feeble soul
but knowledge is extasy
for one with a goal

That it isn't truly life
unless it comes with love
be it from another
or even from above!

That many things are valuable
but none more than truth
and if you keep your concience clean
then you'll never lose your youth.

*******************************************
Just a little lighthearted thing I wrote at work the other day in the depths of boredom.Enjoy!

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

1 posted 2005-04-01 06:28 PM

Hey man,
This is a great example of how a rhyming poem should be. The rhyming is organized, flows well, and the poem doesn't seem to be sculpted around to fit the rhyme at all.

I love the opening stanza too.. Some stanzas seem a little cliched/cheesy, but I still enjoyed it. Not a whole lot new is said, but the rhyming is very well done.

Good job man

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

2 posted 2005-04-01 06:54 PM

HEY! Long time no see? I was begining to wonder.

That growing up
isn't growing old
That I am more
than flesh can hold

Ignorance may be bliss
for a feeble soul
but knowledge is extasy
for one with a goal

I absolutly loved those two lines, in fact I loved this poem, I think it's one of my favorites by you! Great work, like the above said it didn't seem at all structured around the rhyming, more llike the rhyming was based around the flow and point of the poem. Great Job. I'm keeping it, no arguments :-P Hope your doing good!

AIM-blueyed angel940
She's a question without answers...

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2005-04-01 09:21 PM

Nice to see you back. This is so awesome! I tried to pick a favorite part, but the more I kept reading, the more I liked.
Perfect art here, wonderfully expressed, and definetely going in my library.
Needless to say, I can't not do this for such a good piece....*bows*

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

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