I know that it seems silly (incomplete please read)

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Teen Poetry #7

I know that it seems silly (incomplete please read)

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

0 posted 2006-06-08 12:26 PM

This is one of the few times
I don’t know what to do
I know that it seems silly,
but I’m breaking over you
I want to know what to do
So I can make this right
I know that it seems silly
but I can’t sleep at night

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2006-06-08 05:07 PM

It seems to me that you would get more responses if for one thing you didn't say "incomplete" and "please read"

the second isn't necessary since that is why they are posted ...

also if you were to respond to other's poems maybe you would get more readers responding to yours...just a kind thought..I noticed though you are new but you haven't responded to anyone.
M

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-06-23 01:54 AM

i thought it was good, a little short, but good. i look fowrard to reading more of your posts.
~hunnie~

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

Fuschia
Junior Member

since 2006-06-19

Posts 35
England

3 posted 2006-06-23 12:51 PM

This is a good poem but perhaps you could develop it a little. It seems like it would make a good start to a poem.

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

4 posted 2006-06-23 05:11 PM

" know that it seems silly,
but I’m breaking over you"

I liked the simplicity of those two lines but how they mean so much. I reallllly liked those. You might try and write more on it and add in so that it's not so short and semi-repetitive. Other than that keep it up!

AIM-blueyed angel940
She's a question without answers...

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

5 posted 2006-06-24 10:13 PM

I agree with nakdthoughts, you might get more responses if you respond to others. You've now done a few. I think you should extend it. But when you post another make sure to tell an administrator to delete this one. Don't want double posting. Good job.

Jessica

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