Teen Poetry #7 |
Darker Hues |
WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
This one isn't really up to par in my mind. But it's all I have to work with. I've had writer's block for quite a while now. If I could paint you a picture if I could tell you a story I would fill it with such warmth and tragic turns but I know you’re not paying attention I’ll give a crooked smile as I look in the mirror and realize I looked better with those tears I tried so hard to give all that I could but in the end goodbye was the best thing I did I’ll never make any promises that I know can’t be fulfilled it’s time to grow up, time to cast off this shell If I could paint you a picture I would pour my heart into it and use deep shades of grey to convey my guilt but I know you’re not looking I’ll give a sad frown as I look in the mirror and realize I never thought I looked good at all if I could tell you a story I would tell it with emphasis to see if I could show you just how it feels but I know you’re not listening if I could paint you a picture I would use dark crimson to express my heartache and white for this consuming bleakness if I could paint you a picture... If I could fall asleep tonight |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
WinterWren this is such a well written poem, your words paint a picture of sorrow and despair, I just hope that whoever this is for starts to pay attention to your hurting. Andrew |
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Stinky Twinkie Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204Dinwiddie |
I think this is an awesome poem. I really like the use of the colors (deep shades of grey, dark crimson) for some reason. I'm wierd maybe? haha. I liked this one. |
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Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
If this is writer's block, then I can't wait to see what you come up with when you are fully capable!!! This is great! In the wooden chair |
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electricxheart Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 184far away from home. |
I think this is the farthest thing from writer's block. I found it amazing. So rawfully truthful. -Kelly You play the song I know. |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
if I could paint you a picture I would use dark crimson to express my heartache and white for this consuming bleakness if I could paint you a picture... Loved the ending, very strong ending for a very good poem. The imagery was amazing. NOthing more to it, it was a great write. Awesome job! Erin AIM-blueyed angel940 |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hey, this is a really creative and interesting post, honestly i could relate to it really well at this point in time. i always like that, thank you for sharing (and i mean that) bergundy good luck in the situation and keep writing At least we're still friends! At least we're still alive!--Alkaline Trio |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Oh Wren, always thinking of your work as 'sub par,' while this was anything but! The imagery in this was exquisite! It may be a painting of dispair, but it's so clearly defined and easy to see, that it's impossible not to love this poem. While you may burn this with the trash, as is any writer's right, I'll save a copy from the ash, In hope's that you will see the light! -Rich "I am a part of the world that I hate/I wish the end would come faster, my world's a distaster," - Crossfade "Starless" |
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WindSong Member
since 2002-12-23
Posts 313Long Island, New York |
Whoa. I like this one a lot. I believe it most certainly HAS to be a strong favorite of your writings. It's got an immense amount of power. I hope you do feel better soon enough. *hugs* I'll talk to you later. Peace. PS- also going into my library <3 Kirah "Stand still awhile and dream of the times when your heart felt full." ~Reina Nash~ R.I.P. 9*6*04 You'll always be remembered, I love you! |
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