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WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

0 posted 2005-01-21 09:56 PM

O elusive tempter,
why do you taunt me
why do you mock me
with what I cannot have?

Playing in front of my eyes
visions of the warmth I don’t remember
letting me feel a little of it’s brightness
before snatching it away

O elusive tempter,
why do you let me feel pain, you let me hear
the sweet nothing’s that could be whispered in my ear
and then you leave me only their echo

such beautiful words I had never heard
promising me protection
promising that I would always be cared for
such beautiful words, will I ever hear them again?

O elusive tempter,
when have I done you wrong
for you to pour down on me
such stark loneliness?

I have never felt
the emptiness of night,
the hollowness of darkness
more than I do now

O elusive tempter,
will I ever hear those sweet words
will I ever again know the warmth
from strong embraces?

O elusive tempter,
I don’t ask you to make any guarantees
I just want to feel
I just want to bask in your brightness.

If I could fall asleep tonight
you know I’d dream of you
and wake up wondering
why my heart is so cold
~WinterWren~

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2005-01-22 08:55 PM

Well.

It captures what you're feeling.
But I think it's a very personal-benefit poem. You wrote this for you, not me.

It doesn't really grab me that much, there's not an intense language use or a metaphoric aspect of it.

Try adding more universal appeal. It's not bad, but I don't know that I'm the right audience.

Great title though. I wanted to read the thread.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

2 posted 2005-01-24 01:48 AM

Well, written for yourself or not, I still understand all to well what your feeling. Being alone isn't fun, but this, this isess fun. MUCH less fun. Though I'm in the right frame of mind to enjoy such a sad piece tonight. A perfect night for this poem, and for that, I thank you. Good write. Good Night.

-Rich

Winamp Is Playing:
"Getting Away With Murder"
Papa Roach
Getting Away With Murder

"I am a part of the world that I hate/I wish the end would come faster, my world's a distaster," - Crossfade "Starless"

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