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WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

0 posted 2004-12-13 12:20 PM

Here Lies Me

Don’t come closer,
you’ll see what I’ve done
in the dark
I finally drew some blood.

And my convoluted mind
thought that I would be pleased
with a job finally done right
but I care too little about anything
to care that I can bleed

I know if you don’t find out sooner than later
then I’ll keep losing this battle
and I can see where it leads,
to a gravestone that reads
‘Here Lies Me’

with a desperate cry some hollow night
I’ll see that I can no longer fight this inner struggle
I’ll dig my own grave and throw myself in
under a gravestone that reads,
‘Here Lies Me’

and doesn’t the wording say everything?
So perfect a eulogy
carved into the gray stone
it tells everything of who I was before I gave in
and how this all came to it’s end.

Please don’t be grieved
that to this blackness I eventually did concede
I was tired of trying, to be stronger than I could be
and most of all I was tired of pretending
that I really was.

I am ashamed of the end I chose
I always looked down upon this way myself
but I couldn’t think clearly through the pain
and that too, at least
has seen it’s end.

I know if you don’t find out...
(please don’t let me lose this battle)

But Im comforted
by the fact that I can hurt inside
all I want to
without anyone ever knowing
~WinterWren~

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2004-12-13 07:37 PM

I have never read a poem that hit so closely to home as did this one. As Lifehouse sings, "as you I've felt the same." The first stanza was my favorite and, in my opinion, the strongest. Thank you for writing. It is bitter-sweet to know that I am not alone in my struggle.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

2 posted 2004-12-13 09:05 PM

And you all thought my suicide poem was good. Hmph. This one had me feeling as if I had a ball of lead in my stomach after the first stanza. I agree that it was the most powerful in the entire poem. I really hope, for your sake, that this is not a 'true write,' but my gut instinct tells me it is. There's so much I could say to this, but I think that it's unnecessary. I think the words that would have the most effect are thus: You are not alone.

-Rich

Winamp Is Playing:
"Drowning"
Crazy Town

"and I searched your eyes for an answer
and shuddered at what I found there;
as my skin shrunk away from conclusion
that you lacked the strength to

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2004-12-13 11:15 PM

Savage: No, you're not alone in your struggle. Im glad my poem helped you see that. Stay strong!

Rich: As usual, your gut instinct is right. And those words did have the most effect, thank you so much. I can always count on you to say the right thing to give me a little lift.

But Im comforted
by the fact that I can hurt inside
all I want to
without anyone ever knowing
~WinterWren~

Strider612
Junior Member

since 2003-12-21

Posts 46
Alabama, United States of America

4 posted 2004-12-14 09:39 PM

Strange that you posted so recently to a poem of mine that was similarly themed. I don't want you to lose that battle; I'm here for you if you need me.

It was a powerful poem. I hope that life goes well for you. It passes by so quickly without our assistance.

muchos
Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 102

5 posted 2004-12-22 01:01 PM

oh where has time gone winter? we would share poems from time to time and relate on each level one way or another. it saddens me to see that there are thoughts of death and terror roaming amongst your thoughts. i liked your poem but i hated the thought it portrayed. i hope all is well. please keep on writing. its been soo long since i've read your words

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

6 posted 2004-12-22 03:25 PM

WinterWren--

Hey! Awesome to see you still posting! Your writing has improved since the last time I was here...

Loved the lines "Here lies me" throughout the poem, and as the title. There's a different tone to that than "I'm dead" etc. etc. You state it like a fact, that it's nothing really special, and I think that gives us something else to think about...

Actually, the entire poem had that "matter of fact" tone to it. Not saying it lacked emotion at all...you conjured up a lot of it, judging from the replies I read. It shows that even though you can just state things for how they are, people understand. Sometimes simplicity is better.

I don't have anything to say about the technicalities of the poem. It was just an enjoyment to read.

Keep it up!

--Leah

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