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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2004-12-06 11:16 AM

I’m so tired…
Nothing seems right.
The world seems dark.
Like there is no light.

My edges are over-flowing,
The pain is seeping out.
In my dream I scream your name,
But in my dream you’re full of doubt.

You think I’m going to leave you,
You think that I don’t care.
And this pain I’m going through now,
Is almost more than I can bear.

But I’m dealing with it,
My feelings will never fade.
I loved you then and I love you now,
And I’m keeping that promise that I made.

“I’ll stay with you, for as long as you allow me to…”

"Cuz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away..."~ Seether

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

1 posted 2004-12-06 11:31 AM

Yeah, I once made a promise like that to someone, and they cut me open and left me there to die alone. Anyway, a truly great piece from you, and well felt.

-Rich

"I'm burning in the heavens,
and I'm drowning in a hell.
And my soul is in a coma
and none of my friends can tell,"
~Take Me~ Papa Roach

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

2 posted 2004-12-06 07:57 PM

*nods* Sounds very familiar. You conveyed your emotions well in this, keep it up.

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

3 posted 2004-12-06 08:08 PM

In my dream I scream your name,
But in my dream you’re full of doubt.

ok stop me if im wrong people i loved this poem but i think the repitition here is a little much... maybe> although you seem full of doubt... i dunno just a suggestion thanks for sharing tho!

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

4 posted 2004-12-07 11:33 AM

I don't think there was anything wrong with the repitition. Thanks for the replies everyone.

"Cuz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away..."~ Seether

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

5 posted 2004-12-07 11:51 AM

this was a right tight write Stac, and I didn't sense any repition in your wording. But you know me, I'm biased, I like everything you write ya'no niece of mine.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

6 posted 2004-12-07 04:07 PM

"I loved you then and I love you now,
And I’m keeping that promise that I made.

“I’ll stay with you, for as long as you allow me to…”"

This poem is amazing...and I think it's perfect the way it is!!

Thanks for sharing!

~Alli~

Happy Holidays!

~DreamChild~
Senior Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 544
in your dreams

7 posted 2004-12-08 06:34 PM

dark and deep.
i like it.
good write, as always.

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