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Teen Poetry #7

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peter pan
New Member

since 2002-08-15

Posts 8
never never land

0 posted 2003-09-24 06:31 AM

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never have I fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away....

I AM CANADIAN!! eh?

© Copyright 2003 peter pan - All Rights Reserved

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

1 posted 2003-09-24 06:40 AM

I liked this but one thing that bothered me was that in the first stanza, the rhyming was different from the other two stanzas...It's not that big of a deal, but it sort of made it stick out and look ugly....Anyways, good poem.

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be."~Linkin Park

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2003-09-28 04:44 PM

i thought this one was very good. i thought the rhyming worked out very well, i dont think you changed rhyming at all.

Why
Junior Member

since 2003-09-26

Posts 32
Middle of nowhere

3 posted 2003-09-28 10:48 PM

i agree with young_blood. this is a very nice poem.

Poems free us and trap us all the same.
But still they put our hearts at ease.

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

4 posted 2003-09-30 03:43 PM

oooh...this reminds me of my ex-boyfriend...*sobs* great write, love it. =)

A river of change is rushing over me, through me. Forfeit to the waters, forget the past.

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

5 posted 2003-10-23 05:03 PM

good one, eh.

-=Kiff=-
Junior Member

since 2003-10-21

Posts 16
North wales UK

6 posted 2003-10-24 01:37 AM

I like it nice poem.

The sun never sets on the British empire

magic_612
Member

since 2003-07-31

Posts 190
NB, Canada

7 posted 2003-10-25 02:49 PM

very nice.. I wouldn't change it at all

garysgirl

Deputy Moderator 10 Tours

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Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

8 posted 2003-10-25 03:14 PM

If you've ever read any of my poems in Open, you know that I am a "hopeless romantic....Love poems are my favorites, and I love this one.

It is very well written, with very good rhyming. I very much enjoyed reading it.

Hugs

Ethel

Ally Stone
Junior Member

since 2003-10-20

Posts 48
D.C.

9 posted 2003-10-26 02:03 PM

good one, how 'bout another?

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