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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2004-11-16 11:37 AM

You internal light
Becomes wreathed in darkness
As your vision blurs and
You slowly collapse.

You’re on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness.
But Fate has another
Plan for you…

You travel through the world-
Not alive, but not dead.
Cast out from hell,
Not welcome in heaven.

You have no soul
To call your own,
And no love left in you,
To share with anyone.

You live in eternal damnation.
Frightening people with all
Of your disfigurements,
And all of your sins.

Fate laughs in your face,
“You see where your
Sins have brought you?
You shall live forever-
With your guilt,
With your greed,
And with the pain,
That you’ve forced onto others.”

"I tried so hard...But in the end...It doesn't even matter...."~Linkin Park

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

1 posted 2004-11-16 11:41 AM

oh wow! this was so intense. i loved it gret flow.

~*~robin~*~

hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and matt!
cody saw some pigs so he tried to fly but he fell and went BOOM!

~DreamChild~
Senior Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 544
in your dreams

2 posted 2004-11-16 05:36 PM

probably what hell is like...

~Express Yourself~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2004-11-16 07:56 PM

Like Robin said, very intense...love this Staci!!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2004-11-16 08:36 PM

Seems pretty blunt and to the point to me. It was a good poem. I liked it.

You could have gone deeper into the subject of the "sins", and possibly describe this "fate" a little more morbidly if you wanted to give that effect.

otherwise, this poem was golden.

"One good thing about music: when it hits you feel no pain"- Bob Marley
~I am Trance~

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

5 posted 2004-11-16 08:39 PM

Thanks for the replies everyone, they're appreciated.

"I tried so hard...But in the end...It doesn't even matter...."~Linkin Park

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

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