Teen Poetry #7 |
Banished |
Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
You internal light Becomes wreathed in darkness As your vision blurs and You slowly collapse. You’re on your knees, Begging for forgiveness. But Fate has another Plan for you… You travel through the world- Not alive, but not dead. Cast out from hell, Not welcome in heaven. You have no soul To call your own, And no love left in you, To share with anyone. You live in eternal damnation. Frightening people with all Of your disfigurements, And all of your sins. Fate laughs in your face, “You see where your Sins have brought you? You shall live forever- With your guilt, With your greed, And with the pain, That you’ve forced onto others.” "I tried so hard...But in the end...It doesn't even matter...."~Linkin Park |
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© Copyright 2004 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved | |||
punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
oh wow! this was so intense. i loved it gret flow. ~*~robin~*~ hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and matt! |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
probably what hell is like... ~Express Yourself~ |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Like Robin said, very intense...love this Staci!! ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Seems pretty blunt and to the point to me. It was a good poem. I liked it. You could have gone deeper into the subject of the "sins", and possibly describe this "fate" a little more morbidly if you wanted to give that effect. otherwise, this poem was golden. "One good thing about music: when it hits you feel no pain"- Bob Marley |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
Thanks for the replies everyone, they're appreciated. "I tried so hard...But in the end...It doesn't even matter...."~Linkin Park |
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