navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » Alternate Ending
Teen Poetry #7
Post A Reply Post New Topic Alternate Ending Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
LegalSecret69
Member
since 2003-06-04
Posts 69
Virginia

0 posted 2004-11-10 09:54 PM


Wanting to touch the face that he's already felt,
but never seen,
He takes his hands and holds tight a paper,
Words he knows are there,
but has never read,
Feeling warmth from an invisible fire,
Wanting to jump into that mud puddle,
Even though he's already standing in the center of it,
He's smart,
He knows to look deeper,
Deeper into things that he's already experienced,
There's more to the stories that have already been told,
He looks harder at the blank canvass that has already been painted,
He wants to change what's already happened,
He wants to write his own fairy tale.

[This message has been edited by LegalSecret69 (11-11-2004 03:34 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Jessica - All Rights Reserved
WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
1 posted 2004-11-11 12:58 PM


Why did this not have any replies?! I really love this poem, I can picture everything he's doing and his emotions.
Very well done. My favorite line was, "words he knows are there, but have never read." A couple critiques just with your spelling, you should change "have never read" to 'has' and tail at the end should be tale.
Other than that, perfect poem! Excellent, thanks for sharing.

But Im comforted
by the fact that I can hurt inside
all I want to
without anyone ever knowing
~WinterWren~

LegalSecret69
Member
since 2003-06-04
Posts 69
Virginia
2 posted 2004-11-11 03:36 PM


Thanks for the critiques. I make careless mistakes sometimes.. haha
*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
3 posted 2004-11-11 08:06 PM


Great poem to begin with, but the grammer change makes it even better!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*   My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

earthdust
Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 53
predestined and foreknown
4 posted 2004-11-11 11:50 PM


i cant help ya on this one... keep tryin though !

LOL!

~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
5 posted 2004-11-13 08:41 PM


im feelin kinda dizzy now...

but hey,

           ~Express Yourself~
          

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » Alternate Ending

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary