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Teen Poetry #7

Alternate Ending

LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

0 posted 2004-11-10 09:54 PM

Wanting to touch the face that he's already felt,
but never seen,
He takes his hands and holds tight a paper,
Words he knows are there,
but has never read,
Feeling warmth from an invisible fire,
Wanting to jump into that mud puddle,
Even though he's already standing in the center of it,
He's smart,
He knows to look deeper,
Deeper into things that he's already experienced,
There's more to the stories that have already been told,
He looks harder at the blank canvass that has already been painted,
He wants to change what's already happened,
He wants to write his own fairy tale.

[This message has been edited by LegalSecret69 (11-11-2004 03:34 PM).]

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2004-11-11 12:58 PM

Why did this not have any replies?! I really love this poem, I can picture everything he's doing and his emotions.
Very well done. My favorite line was, "words he knows are there, but have never read." A couple critiques just with your spelling, you should change "have never read" to 'has' and tail at the end should be tale.
Other than that, perfect poem! Excellent, thanks for sharing.

But Im comforted
by the fact that I can hurt inside
all I want to
without anyone ever knowing
~WinterWren~

LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia