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red_angel*16
Member

since 2004-09-04

Posts 71

0 posted 2004-11-06 04:21 AM

life is so meaningless
unless you dont share it with someone
not just anybody
a special someone
someone you cant go wrong with
someone who will love you till the end
someone who will be with
you for the rest of your life
and that someone I'm talking about is you !!!

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

1 posted 2004-11-07 01:38 AM

"a special someone
someone you cant go wrong with
someone who will love you till the end
someone who will be with
you for the rest of your life"

Doesn't everyone want that special someone? *sigh*

Only suggestion I have is that I don't really know if the last line is nessisarry. If you're planning on giving the poem to someone then the line works, but if you wrote the poem just to get your feelings out then I don't really think it fits in. Just my opinion though.

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

WranglrButts9
Member

since 2004-10-24

Posts 108
Iowa, US

2 posted 2004-11-07 08:35 PM

"life is so meaningless
unless you dont share it with someone
not just anybody
a special someone"

This is my fav. part. It's all very good, short, but good. Lol, bigger's not always better. I agree with Alli though, I didn't really like the last line.

Bailey

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

~DreamChild~
Senior Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 544
in your dreams

3 posted 2004-11-13 08:47 PM

talkin about me?

~Express Yourself~

Mysilentsaviour25
Junior Member

since 2006-04-10

Posts 12
California

4 posted 2006-04-10 04:28 PM

I think alli4000 is very right, take out the last line, i think even if your going to give it to someone, its sorta cheesy, no offense. I like it tho, I must tell you that i have found this person in my life, and we are engaged and are getting married after high school. Don't judge, i may only be 15 but being a poet, you must understand sometimes your just in the right place at the right time, meeting the right people. Made me think of him *smile* Keep writing

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