Teen Poetry #7 |
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someone |
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red_angel*16 Member
since 2004-09-04
Posts 71 |
life is so meaningless unless you dont share it with someone not just anybody a special someone someone you cant go wrong with someone who will love you till the end someone who will be with you for the rest of your life and that someone I'm talking about is you !!! |
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*Alli4000*![]()
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
"a special someone someone you cant go wrong with someone who will love you till the end someone who will be with you for the rest of your life" Doesn't everyone want that special someone? *sigh* Only suggestion I have is that I don't really know if the last line is nessisarry. If you're planning on giving the poem to someone then the line works, but if you wrote the poem just to get your feelings out then I don't really think it fits in. Just my opinion though. ![]() ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened... |
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WranglrButts9 Member
since 2004-10-24
Posts 108Iowa, US |
"life is so meaningless unless you dont share it with someone not just anybody a special someone" This is my fav. part. It's all very good, short, but good. Lol, bigger's not always better. I agree with Alli though, I didn't really like the last line. Bailey Good judgment comes from experience, |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
talkin about me? ~Express Yourself~ |
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Mysilentsaviour25 Junior Member
since 2006-04-10
Posts 12California |
I think alli4000 is very right, take out the last line, i think even if your going to give it to someone, its sorta cheesy, no offense. I like it tho, I must tell you that i have found this person in my life, and we are engaged and are getting married after high school. Don't judge, i may only be 15 but being a poet, you must understand sometimes your just in the right place at the right time, meeting the right people. Made me think of him *smile* Keep writing |
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