The Most Hopeless Unanswered Phone Call

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-10-06 08:43 PM

The Most Hopeless Unanswered Phone Call

Notice this,
The moon shining as a flashlight
With half a bulb,
Casting the part of shadow
Upon the up and coming darkness.
Why does the moon
Spread itself so thin
Across the pre-dawn sky?
It fragments its thoughts,
Sharing each one with every nation
And when it’s pieces fall
They provide comfort for
A million dying and hopeless,
Even those who play the part of director.

What prayers have you said tonight, my love?
Do you think of the moon under the cool of midnight?
Have you dreamt of the nothing made to be
The most beautiful cityscape?
Whisper words far enough to reach my ear...
Whisper...
Music over the sound of breathing...

And the moon lets stars fall in place of the driest of our tears…

now im alone, but not lonely like before

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

1 posted 2004-10-07 11:43 AM

hey alex...

I really enjoyed the last line. It was my favourite of the whole poem. I do like the imagery that you create in the beginning of the poem, the whole moon bit, and how you draw upon it repeatedly throughout the poem. Definitely an awesome poem.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

2 posted 2004-10-07 11:43 AM

oh, yeah, I rewrote so much for run on sentences (1) just for you. Ok, so I'll admit I didn't like it all that much...

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2004-10-08 04:40 PM

thanks allysa

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

4 posted 2004-10-11 12:15 PM

Hmmm...i like this:

"Why does the moon
Spread itself so thin
Across the pre-dawn sky?"

Its a good question.

This was amazing, even though i am not sure if i understand it correctly. I still love it. The way you confuse, and also explain. ( if that makes any sense ) Either way, its amazing.

Sooo...18 now huh? happy late birthday.

Karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

5 posted 2004-10-11 12:30 PM

"Whisper words far enough to reach my ear...
Whisper...
Music over the sound of breathing..."

Liked the part above...don't know why, the way you wrote it kinda drew me in.

Wow Karissa, you noticed that in the criticism thing! No fair! I would've figured that out too!

Happy Belated Birthday Alex!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

6 posted 2004-10-11 03:59 PM

I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing

and then He created the horse...

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

7 posted 2004-10-12 11:00 AM

thanks a lot karissa, alli, and skyfire. i'm glad you guys liked it.

Sweetest Sorrow X
Member

since 2004-01-19

Posts 146
From a cradle to a casket

8 posted 2004-10-19 09:49 PM

Your Writing...it flows really nicely. I enjoy many of your poems,what is your bands name..Do you have a pure Volume account?

I believe that lovers should draped in flowers,and layed entwined together on a bed of clovers, and left to sleep,left there to dream of their happine

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

9 posted 2004-10-20 10:01 AM

Alex,

I absolutely adore this.

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

10 posted 2004-10-20 04:24 PM

always enjoy your work

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

11 posted 2004-10-20 10:18 PM

I think of it all I like the title the best and this line:
Even those who play the part of director.
cool line.
adds character to the piece.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

12 posted 2004-10-20 10:19 PM

thank you all. my band's name is April's Falling, no i don't have a pure volume account. i just got rid of my lead singer so no it's kinda just me. it works better that way though. i can do more with my voice than he could. strange since he was the lead singer...anyway, thanks again.

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