How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Sanctuary Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives

A home without a wall,
Our haven without ends,
A circle we all call
Our Family of Friends!

navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » Falling
Teen Poetry #7
Post A Reply Post New Topic Falling Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Cinderelly
Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189
NM, USA
0 posted 2004-10-19 04:58 PM

Falling

I slipped and fell,
broke my heart and my heel.

Wind blowing,
words slurring.

Fall arrived
just as . . .

Simply put, I began to fall for you.

*Okay, this needs major work and all suggestions are welcome!*
© Copyright 2004 Jamie - All Rights Reserved
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
1 posted 2004-10-20 09:55 AM

Jamie,

I think it's great, I think it reads better without that last line even.

Its beautiful . . .
----------------------------------
I slipped and fell,
broke my heart and my heel.

Wind blowing,
words slurring.

Fall arrived

just as . . .
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » Falling

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary