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Teen Poetry #7
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my worn out sunset.
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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my worn out sunset. |
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electricxheart Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 184far away from home. |
and when you can’t breathe, you know it’s time for your sweet release. fall into me like an accident waiting to fold at the creases like the love letters waiting for you to rip apart down the middle. show them who you are; place your heart out on your table and remember to hide the pictures beneath the middle of your heart strings. show them who you want to be; and when you can’t breathe, you know it’s time for your sweet release. the tidal waves only lead me back to my dreams but i’ve lost myself some where between the highways and hellos of people who think they know. take my hands and trace the fingertips; try to find something beneath this blanket of regret i place myself in and rock me to sleep; take me home to the one place where i can forget about your smile and drown myself in something other then this suffocation running through the middle of my worn out sunset. show them who you are; place your heart out on your table and remember to hide the pictures beneath the middle of your heart strings. show them who you want to be; and when you can’t breathe, you know it’s time for your sweet release. so, while the sun sets on another day; i'm waiting for those words that make me stay. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Kelly Landis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sweetest Sorrow X Member
since 2004-01-19
Posts 146From a cradle to a casket |
Ok i am offically FURIOUS no one posted about this poem, it was so amazing. I loved this poem so much, holy ****. Excuse my french but that was such a great poem... Ahhh no words can explain my appreciation of this work. Thank you <3 Persephone I choose my company by the beating of their hearts |
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AtLsHawTy17 Member
since 2004-09-07
Posts 60IL, |
this poem was soooooooooo awesome i love it sooooooo much wow good job Too late to cry, you're gone... why should I cry, you can't wipe the tears dry, so what am I to do? I need to be with you....-Me |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Omg! How did I miss this poem!! I'm so sorry!  Lol...awesome write...you deserve more replies!  ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
it was good. i enjoyed the first half the best though. when you broke away and wrote of how you lost yourself, it became a little cliche. the start was very good though. |
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I_dont_know_me Junior Member
since 2003-12-08
Posts 48UK, Cymru |
take my hands and trace the fingertips; try to find something beneath this blanket of regret i place myself in and rock me to sleep; take me home to the one place where i can forget about your smile and drown myself in something other then this suffocation running through the middle of my worn out sunset. this is my favourite part although i loved it all =o) great job! ~Emma~ |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
you obviously are very talented. keep writing, I'll keep reading. |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
YES! haha This poem is JUST that great! Awesome work on this one, it's going in my library! ~Jess  "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
oh yes now, lets not fit the cliche. lol ~Express Yourself~ |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is yet another beuatiful poem of your i have read..... there is nothing clicheabout writing how you feel or what your going thru. i say well done and this is beautiful.... keep them coming. yuo have loads of talent and the only way to improve (not that you need to) is by keeping the writing coming from your heart.. Ruth live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
such a great poem i loved it. it was purdy! robin hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and matt! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Ok this poem was good. I can see you're a totally talented writer. One thing though, when I was reading each verse it felt like one verse would casually lead into the other.... it was as if the complete thought would drag on until i had to get to the end of the stanza entirely. Now, i dont know if you wanted to do this in your form...what i liked about it was the incompleteness of a thought- carried me to the next verse... what i didnt like about it was that the power of the stanza wasnt felt till the very end of each stanza... am i communicating what i felt properly? lol anywayz, the poem was great. You had a great idea and wrote it nicely, but the power of each stanza was a bit weak because i couldnt grasp onto it util the very end.... not saying that is a bad thing, but it kind of left a lingering feeling inside of me, just waiting for something to happen. regardless, i liked the poem....enough to share my thoughts thoroughly (i tried, at least). keep posting because i love your work  "One good thing about music: when it hits you feel no pain"- Bob Marley |
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Kellie_Cantrell Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667New York |
I love this. It was full of apprehension and then dropped into a surprise. I loved it. |
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