Teen Poetry #7 |
The Phoenix Fire. |
croyles Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 102 |
The Phoenix Fire Your love was sweet when all else failed, your eyes mirrored the time youth's cluttered thoughts ensured a content heart, every breath you sprinkled on my lips seemed true. Although I ceased to spell out grief and gave you pain, for all the ashes I smeared on love you'd water my mind; your tears redeemed like the fiery bird's, so from the abyss of ashes our love be born anew... I gave steroids to our senses at naked nights and coating days, that protected all our treasures, by stilling your will to sate the thirsty tides: with your fathers encryptions in your soul. But the storm swept away our love-imprinted clouds and shocked my mind with your natural lies. You could not give the same I gave, you could not feel the pain I felt. No more flowing rivers for you, The end of your Phoenix tears, Swept away too, by the storm... [This message has been edited by croyles (08-13-2004 09:04 PM).] |
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© Copyright 2004 croyles - All Rights Reserved | |||
*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
I'm still pondering this one over as I respond...It was very unique and I liked it very much, I had a question in the end is it supposed to be "two" like you have or "too"? Other than that it was an enjoyable read, the flow was off in a few places but not distractingly so, and the ways you put some of your words together really made me smile! ~Live and Laugh~ Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down. |
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croyles Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 102 |
Thanks a lot belabaeutiful, I am so thankful that you replied to my poem. It was a spelling mistake which I dont often make, thanks for pointing it out. I am really glad that you liked it. I have only started writing poetry very shortly, so I am still a bit overwhelmed by all the things you need to watch out for in a poem, and it is because of that that I get discouraged a lot of the time, but the people here are mostly very kind, the only place I gotta watch out for is the Critical Analysis forum, there are a whole not more expactancies over in there. |
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