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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-01-20 08:23 PM

Leaf of Change

You don't watch the leaves anymore, do you?
Your mind has left our quiet spot
And travelled to the winter lands of tomorrow,
And the days have blown the leaves away.
I could be talking or screaming
At your ear until my lungs bleed black
And you would pay attention to my like those forgotten leaves.
This time brings change for everything
But change often surpasses these times.
Was it yesterday or the yesteryear
When i could whisper your name in the warm air
And so quickly you would turn to listen?
No longer though,
Not in these times.
I'm still watching the leaves fall outside my window
But thier intrigue and beauty fades when I'm alone.
Before they served as a conversation piece for us
Now I converse with them about you.
Oh how they remind my temporarily dry eyes
That failure blows them away, "Thank you" they whisper.
So I reach out and keep a declining leaf,
I'll watch the colors dwindle to red and burn away.
The symbolism strikes me as fall turns to winter,
Your constant season of love does change.
It passed me by without a holiday
Or cheer from the children in the school of emotions.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

1 posted 2004-01-21 11:39 PM

Hey I thought that was pretty good. Your structure was good, because you didn't mind how long, or how short your lines were. It flowed, keep it all coming, good on ya.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2004-01-25 04:55 PM

thanks

now im alone, but not lonely like before

Snickers123
Member

since 2004-05-07

Posts 94
United States-Iowa

3 posted 2004-08-12 11:19 AM

nice write, I always enjoy reading your poems, hope to hear more!!

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

4 posted 2004-08-12 03:38 PM

sad... I liked it. A thought I had as the forever optimist. Leaves grow on trees and even though they go dormant, the source of leaf is still there. I hope the spring comes soon.

croyles
Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 102

5 posted 2004-08-12 05:45 PM

Hey, I really liked that poem! It was really refreshing, i liked the way your lines WERENT in metre, and how they were more thought based. I also like the fact that you chose not to rhyme a melancholic piece, good move. Everything else seems good too!!! I will read more of your poems!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

6 posted 2004-08-13 12:00 PM

glad you liked this one, it's one of my favorites. i just realized how much better darker poetry is when the rhyme is either extremely subtle or nonexistant. thanks again

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