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Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2004-08-07 03:10 AM

I love you,

When I said those words,
Your eyes lit up,

I miss you,

When I tell you everyday,
You blow kisses my way,

I think of you,

When you are in my thoughts,
You miss me lots and lots,

I hate you,

When I said those words,
Your eyes swelled up,

Lets be friend,

When I said those words,
Your world went blank.

I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality.

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

1 posted 2004-08-07 11:54 AM

I liked this, I could relate. There's just one part that I felt could be better.

When you are in my thoughts,
You miss me lots and lots,

It sounded like you were trying to force the rhyming here and it kind of threw me off. Maybe try not using the second line but using something else to make the first line more understood. Good job though!

Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

2 posted 2004-08-21 03:40 PM

love poems are getting on my nerves but i like this one kind of. i like the repetition and the the simplicity...

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

3 posted 2004-08-23 08:00 AM

i love it and know how the chick in this feels coz it happened to me last week.....
nicely written.
will be reading more of your work
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2004-08-26 11:14 PM

Wow. I always just love your poems. They seem to flow so smoothly, and this one is no exception.
Keep writing and posting!!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

5 posted 2004-08-27 04:30 PM

Nice. Very nice. ~Jess

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

6 posted 2004-08-27 09:55 PM

Thank you for your response. I went through a breakup about 3 weeks ago.

I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality.

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